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Everyone and their mother has a hangover cure that “works every time.” Some confide in a greasy order of hashbrowns and a strong coffee. Others prefer basking in a sauna and sweating the sin away. Lots of people have a hard-on for Kombucha right now, but I can’t speak on that remedy. In my experience, nothing will actually take your hangover away. Certain routines and cuisines may expedite the process, sure, but you’re still going to feel awful until at least 3:00 p.m.
Nursing a hangover can be a trying time for the body and the mind. Just like any trying time, a good playlist can bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s get through this together.
The Deathbed
You’re up. It’s roughly 8:30-9:00 ish in the morning. The room is spinning and your tongue feels like the back of a yellow spotted lizard. You slept with your contacts in so your eyes are redder than the Devil. The whole nine. This is the portion of the day where you will be the absolute most dramatic.
My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
Close your eyes and you can almost feel young Leo and Kate holding you. Do not move from your bed until you’ve listened to this all the way through.
The Climb – Miley Cyrus
This:
Young The Climb by Miley Cyrus https://t.co/6Pn9ynIBRs
— Scotty (@scotty_ski) August 10, 2017
Teenage Fever – Drake
Sad Drake is the best Drake. 4422 can also be subbed in here.
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
The anthem for when Suzy turned down your elaborate homecoming dance proposal circa 2011. Still bangs.
Rise
Okay, it’s time to move. A liquid is about to surface, whether it’s coming from the front or the back. You also need water and a shower as ASAP as possible. These two tracks ought to get you going.
Spirit in the Sky – Norman Greenbaum
Picture “Remember the Titans” but supplant the racial tension with crippling regret and you’ll have your own montage.
Dreams – Van Halen
If this doesn’t motivate your sorry self to kick this hangover in the ass, it’s a lost cause.
The Shower
This is the most important part. Some people prefer to sulk in the shower, but we’ve already done that. Set the tone for the rest of your day right here.
Hands to Myself – Selena Gomez
Upbeat enough to get your hips moving but not overbearing. I mean, I could’ve picked something else. But why would I want to?
Close to You (feat. Jasmine Sokko) – Lucian
Biggest sleeper on this list.
I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) – Whitney Houston
Who doesn’t?
Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield
I don’t know how this song hasn’t cured every major disease and ended social injustice yet. Release your inhibitions in that shower. Feel the rain on your skin. Body roll until you puke again, it’ll be worth it.
The Drive
You’re clean (kind of). The thought of a moving vehicle is agonizing but you need something with substance in your stomach to soak up the tequila and whatever else still brewing in there from the night before.
Feathered Indians – Tyler Childers
ONLY if it is warm outside. This song needs to be enjoyed with the windows down.
Divinity (feat. Amy Millan) – Porter Robinson
Another sleeper here. Sub this in if the weather doesn’t permit windows down cruising.
All bets are off when it comes to nursing yourself back to health. A solid 70 percent of these tracks did not have “23-year-old heavy-set male with a full beard” listed as their intended audience, but dammit they’ve all gotten me through the worst hangovers of my life..
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@scotty_ski
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“ASAP as possible” is a callback to one of my favorite Michael Scott quotes
Noticed that too and laughed. I said that to my boss once and he looked at me like I had 10 faces and asked if I know what ASAP stands for. Then had to explain Michael Scott and it was just awkward.
I just got paid 14k D0llar working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over 12k her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less. Follow this… www.Jobzon3.com
Good effort here, but w/o the embedded spotify playlist… 8/10
Captain ron. Classic. I love this
My hangover playlist consists of 3 songs:
Africa by Toto
Wagon Wheel by OCMS
Take Me Home, Country Roads – John Denver
On repeat. Works every time.
Always take a recovery poop. Gives you time to regret your life before you take a shower.
is that Matthew Stafford?
yes
He has never had a super bowl hangover in his life though…
just @Will next time
He’d probably just @Me back though
Shoutout to the Houston Texans
Wow, that comment got really downvoted. Crazy.
Shialabeoufclapping.gif
You’re doing good work here
Love Tyler Childers. If you haven’t heard his stuff, go listen.
You should check out Colter Wall as well. He has a badass voice
You can throw Pierce Edens into that mix as well
Colter Wall sounds like a grizzled old man stuck in a 22 year olds body. Dude is amazing.
‘I Feel Like Dying’ – Lil Wayne
When I feel like being dramatic on my deathbed during a hangover, I like to play Bob Dylan’s “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” Really lets me simmer in the consequences of my bad decisions.
I’d throw Joe Cocker’s “Feelin’ Alright” in there for either the shower or the rise, but this is otherwise fantastic.
I’d honestly put “Feelin’ Alright” in The Drive portion of the hangover. Don’t know why, but I picture a guy in some aviators putting it on while driving an ’87 Ford pickup out to a greasy spoon in a beat-up denim jacket.