How To Become A Successful Group Text Hype Man

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

As you hit your mid-twenties, the dynamics of your best friend group obviously changes. From relationship statuses and careers, to living situations and the acceptable time to start the group text in the morning, but some things will always stay the same – roasting each other in the group text, the hatred of how old you all are getting, and the wave of depression that comes over you when you watch Mike Winchell and the Permian Panthers come 1 yard shy of the 1988 Texas State Championship.

Slowing down is a natural part of life, but it is crucial to the survival of your best friend group that at least one member of your group recognizes this change and knows how to deal with it. Even if no one else realizes the changes going on in everyone’s lives, this friend has the emotional intelligence to realize it is time make some changes. You know this friend as “The Hype Man.”

Everyone knows some version of a Hype Man. In college, he was rallying the group to blackout on a Tuesday night by blowing up the group text and calling everyone a pussy. He’d promise a wild night out with the chance of getting laid because he “heard Katie and some of those girls are going to be out and want to meet up and would maybe settle for us.” These days, he texts the group on Friday afternoon from his desk demanding everyone meet for happy hour followed by the bars and to once again stop being so washed. There’s not necessarily anything wrong this type of hype man. He is simply using a dated approach.

Eventually, disparaging everyone is no longer enough motivation to get them to commit to dropping over $100 going out to the same bars and spending the entire next day fighting a hangover. In college, sure, call me a name and I was probably turning a bottle of Jack upside down because I was really more of an idiot than anything else. Now as we grow older, a true Hype Man has to know what makes his friends tick and change his approach. There are 3 steps to getting your best friend group truly hyped and committed to an actual fun night out.

1. Cut Back On The Insults

Everybody loves a good roast session in the group text. As I mentioned, at some point challenging your friend’s manhood won’t have the same effect it used to. Stop pointing out the fact that everyone has calmed down. Yeah, no shit. People changed from age 20 to 25. If I ever chug Four Loko before an intramural basketball game again or for any reason at all, I will give myself a vasectomy because there is no reason I should ever create something with a similar thought process to mine. If anything, the constant barrage of insults will just piss people off and they’ll mute the group text.

2. Start The Hype Train Early

If you know you want to get wild with your best friends on the weekend, start building them up a couple days early. A simple Wednesday text along the lines of, “Boys, 1. Fuck being at work right now, or 2. It’s been too long since we’ve gone hard. What is everyone getting into this weekend?” should get the ideas and energy flowing. Thursday is where you start building on that momentum and will help really get everyone committed. Tie unrelated conversations in the group text back to all of your Friday plans. For example, “Yeah I agree work blows today. I’m banking on coming up with a billion dollar idea mid-blackout on Friday though.” Friday morning is where you seriously fuck them up and give anybody who cannot attend a deathly amount of FOMO. Friday morning is where a true Hype Man is born.

3. Play The Hits

Friday morning sets the mood for the rest of the day. This is where you really need to know what gets your friends dialed in. My strategy is to send clips of our favorite movie pump up scenes or songs, otherwise known as “the hits.” This past Friday morning, I started with a “Morning, gentlemen. Friday has finally arrived. Let’s get after it.” Then I immediately hit them with some of our all-time favorites – the John Cena song, an ’80s music video dedicated to the local Buckhead bars here in Atlanta, and a montage of the most hype moments from Remember The Titans. Immediately I received texts saying “OH SHIT YOU BROUGHT OUT ALL THE HITS” and “I just went full chub at my desk.” I kept a variation of this approach going through the day. I re-worded the speech Aragon gives before the final battle in Return of the King to fit our friend group and made it about going out. Inside jokes and the nostalgia factor are your biggest weapons on Friday morning.

Sure, this may seem like a lot of work to get your best friends to all agree to going out, but unfortunately, it’s not as easy to get everyone together to rage like we did when we were 20. But with a truly dynamic Hype Man, your crew will be rolling out for a quality night that will make you feel 20 again. And that’s when you call someone out and make them do a Four Horseman..

38

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Don Billingsley

Using wit and humor to hide the fact that I don't know what I'm doing at work or in life. Strongest Insta captions in the game.