Tonight is the night, folks. It’s the night every single human on this planet has waited for since CBS launched the world’s best sitcom ever. Tonight is the night that Ted Mosby will finally finish the story of how he met his children’s mother as “How I Met Your Mother” comes to an end.

There’s only one place I want to be tonight: on my couch with about $30 worth of fast food and a bottle of Moscato, snuggled under a blanket with my body pillow, soaking in the last precious 30 minutes of “How I Met Your Mother.” Actually, come to think of it, that’s pretty much how every night of my life is, thanks to HIMYM being on Netflix. How am I still single?

FiveThirtyEight came up with statistical data on how men and women meet their significant others. This data was collected from a bunch of websites and books, and the folks at FiveThirtyEight published it in an easy-to-read bar graph format so that we don’t actually have to read those boring websites and books. Thanks, Nate Silver and your team of statistical geniuses.

To my surprise, sitting alone and getting drunk in your room night after night didn’t make the list. From highest to lowest, here’s the ranking of how men met their spouses.

Through friends-36.8 percent
Bar, club, restaurant-20.7 percent
As co-workers-19.3 percent
Through family-17.4 percent
Middle or high school-13.8 percent
Private party-13.5 percent
Neighborhood-9.6 percent
Through work as client-9.5 percent
Through own family-9.0 percent
College-8.6 percent
Church-7.0 percent
Public place-5.9 percent
Through social group-5.3 percent
Internet-4.5 percent
Blind date-4.3 percent

So there you have it. According to math, get the hell off Tinder, start making friends, go to bars, and get yourself invited to some parties.

[via FiveThirtyEight]