Hey Eclipse, You Just Got Cucked By Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift Just Cucked The Eclipse

What’s the biggest story of the weekend? Nazis with an underwhelming turnout in Boston (they were outnumbered like 30,000 to 100), the epic Game of Thrones episode, (this tweet had me in stitches), or that solar eclipse we keep hearing so much about?

Sidebar – they’re saying you can’t look at the eclipse without special glasses. And you know what? I’m hundo p convinced it’s a scam. I mean, I look at the sun every single day, albeit behind a pair of fresh to death Warby Parker shades. But the fact is, the sun is 100% exposed every day. And guess what? I’m 26 years old and I haven’t had eye damage yet. So riddle me this, Batman. How come on the one day when we can only see 1% of the sun, all of a sudden that’s supposed to make us blind? Fuck outta here with that.

Anyway, I’d say the solar eclipse is the biggest story of the weekend. It’s all I’m hearing about. People fucking traveling hundreds of miles just to get a better view. I’ll just catch the best views on the Gram, but hey, I’m lazy.

Leave it to Taylor Swift though to try and eclipse the eclipse. (See what I did there?) Because my future ex-wife Taylor came back from social media blackout with a crazy tweet. And it. Is. Good.

Taylor Swift has 85.4 MILLION twitter followers. At the moment she follows nobody (hell of a ratio). I guess she deleted all her social media last week? Nobody knew why. But the fact of the matter is, girl is a hype god. And her re-entry today with that tweet is causing mass hysteria. What the fuck is that? A snake? Who knows. But…BUT, this instantly is the number one story of the day, weekend, hell even the month of August. North Korea threatening nukes? Snoozefest City. Pentagon can be on North Korea watch. Meanwhile the rest of the country waits with baited breath as we prepare for Swift to drop auditory cocaine all up on us.

Hell of a move by Swift. I’m absolutely blown away. Think she’s been preparing to cuckold the eclipse the day she joined Twitter? Delete your social, then come back with a bangarang tweet the day everyone is focusing on the sun. Absolutely bananas in pajamas. The sun waited 38 years to eclipse, but it just got absolutely railroaded by Taylor Swift. Respect.

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Boston Max

Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly

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