Welcome to Couples Hour. Are you single and alone? Yes? Well, then get the hell out of here. Bookmark this tab for when you get your life together and find someone who makes your heart tickle.
Here is the thing about Being Online: You’re going to get crummy relationship advice all the time. In fact, I would estimate that 90-98 percent of all relationship advice columns are bad and not worth reading (unless on PGP, of course). But I will always take to heart the random advice of an internet stranger. It always feels legitimate and genuine. I can’t ignore it.
Some random people shared thoughtful tips about what activities you can do with your SO that will strengthen your relationships. It ranges from predictable, to funny, to extremely strange. Check it out below.
Fire training. It’s where you flop down over them (ideally while they are laying in bed) pretending to have passed out due to smoke inhalation, and it’s their responsibility to both escape from under you and move you to safety. Ideally performed by yelling “fire training!” and then flopping without any additional warning. Don’t explain it ahead of time. Fires don’t explain themselves.
It’s initially met with much resistance, so a key is to remain motionless and mute. Really commit to the role of someone who has passed out. Get them to realize that the only way they can get up is if they move you themselves, and then they find the motivation.
If they can’t carry you to safety, it’s time to re-download Tinder and find someone else.
I’m not gonna give anyone advice, but my gf and I do what we call “the thing” and basically we just lay on the couch and she puts a pillow on her crotch. I lay my head there and rub her feet while she scratches my head. Symbiosis.
This almost sounds pleasant.
Learn something new together. Whether it be a foreign language, how to make sushi, knit, paint, etc.
Studies show that the feel good chemical is released when you are learning something new and when you learn with someone you subconsciously associate feeling good with that person. So, not only do you learn something new (which is a confidence builder in itself) you bond with your SO on a deeper level.
Confirmed: I took a cooking class with my girlfriend and it was awesome.
Conquer a fear together.
For my husband and I we both had a deathly fear of white water rafting.
It brings you closer together, teaches valuable communication skills, and is a memory you can cherish well into your old age.
We are both terrified of heights. I guess we should skydive?
give massages to each other
Can’t go wrong with a massage.
Grab a few chairs, some blankets and a few pillows and build a fort/tent, and watch a couple of movies together or play board games. Guaranteed fun times and cuddles.
Board games can get too intense. Stick to movies.
My fiancée like to “steam roll” me when we are laying down. She just rolls over me and pretends she is crushing me. Always makes me smile.
Adults are just giant, deformed children.
In a pool, not a lake.
I choose not to endorse this one for a number of reasons, including “poison ivy” and “sandy vaginas.”
Go on a road trip. Road trips are so much fun with the right person, and I think it’s also an important relationship milestone. How do you cope when you miss the exit, or you feel sick because he insisted on stopping somewhere that had all you can eat chicken and waffles.
Road tripping is a great couple exercise, but be prepared to break up at the end of it.
Hide and go seek inside the house with all the lights turned off and loud music. It’s fun, active, and after a couple drinks can be quite sexy.
I’ve never done this but it sounds incredible and also a bit terrifying.
Worm racing – you both lie face down on the ground by the front door, with your hands in your pockets, and race to the other end of the house, on your bellies, like worms.
I’m 41, my wife turns 40 next month, we have a worm race probably once a month when the kids are elsewhere.
Counter advice: Don’t do this. It’s weird.
Laser tag, it doesn’t matter how old you are, shooting teens with lasers is fucking fun, especially whilst shit talking with your lady by your side giving you a basketball coach back rub.
Nothing gets a woman hotter than watching her big, strong man stiff arm some children in the laser tag arena.
The rule of 2s.
Every 2 weeks go out for a fancy meal
Every 2 months go away for the weekend
Every 2 years go on a long vacation
Every two days have sex.
RUB BUTTS IN THE SHOWER.
When you’re all soapy and slippery and wet. Rub butts. Just do it.
Don’t think. Just do it.
Lose weight together. We were fat most our lives and never succeeded in losing the weight on our own. Then I dragged him into my last attempt. We held each other accountable, we kept each other motivated, we researched together, we forced each other to buy new clothes that fit, ect. We each lost 100 pounds. It was awesome.
Working out together can make or break a couple.
Have a gimmick date (tunnel of love, drinking from the same milkshake, walk down the beach barefoot holding hands, eating from the same strand of a spaghetti noodle until you kiss, etc.), and make fun of how cliche it is while secretly enjoying every second of it.
She’ll love it, at least.
My ex and I would play this game where she would pretend she was a slug and she would drag her belly all over me. It was such a stupid and silly thing to do. She called it Slime Time. I don’t miss her at all, but I do miss Slime Time… It’s super fun. I highly recommend everyone play Slime Time!
People are weird. I want to play Slime Time.
Camping. Real, no shower, middle of nowhere, tent camping. You learn a lot about your SO in that situation, and its insanely fun!
Camping is another “make or break” relationship game. Be careful with this one.
Play Monopoly together.
Just kidding. That game almost ended our marriage.
Monopoly is the kiss of death.
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