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It seems like every day there’s another
engagement person complaining about all the engagements. It’s like, we get it. You’re single, nobody loves you, and since you’ve hit the ripe age of 24 and a half, this seems like conclusive evidence that you’re going to die alone. You’re not. You’ll probably be married twice between now and your death, actually. Maybe even three times for a lucky bunch of you. Relish in this, bitter single-folk. By the time you hit the social media world with your own happily ever after, those once sickeningly happy lovebirds in your timeline will be bitter, because they’re getting divorced. It’s the circle of life, per a pessimist, and it’s a beautiful thing.
Whether you love engagements, hate engagements, or are too wrapped up in your own engagement to pay a lick of attention to anyone else, we’ve all been privy to engagement announcements. The first one comes to us via phone call, if you’re close to the person, and the second one comes via picstitch, and it’s always comprised of the same three photos:
1. The man down on one knee, while the woman stands stiff-legged, looking down at him, with both of her hands covering her mouth.
2. The photo (often a selfie that only the power of love and/or the need to show off can make possible) of the couple together and happy, as the girl holds her left palm three inches in front of her left shoulder (which I know you all just did) to show off her new bling, and most importantly…
3. The closeup of the ring, which will soon be screenshotted and discussed among all the bitter singles who have known the girl since high school.
After couples have made a photo announcement, they all, and I do mean all, go to a photographer so they can make a second photo announcement, but you know…a professional one this time. Professionals, after all, really know how to set the mood. “Here we are, in love, standing on a train track. Here we are, in love, laying in a field. Here we are, in love, looking at our city’s skyline from afar. Here is a picture of our feet, but you can tell by the lighting that if our faces were in them that we’d look very in love. Now that you’ve seen us in love in all these different places that we’ve never actually been to, besides in these photos, you know that we’re really in love for real.”
This man, in an effort to point out how ridiculous all the professional engagement photos are, did a little photoshoot of his own. Alone. With a ladder. The result is hilarious.