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Every week here on Peej, we’ll be presenting and commenting on the updated standings of everyone here at Grandex who plays enough ping pong to qualify for the Grandex Office Ping Pong Power Rankings system. The algorithm used is secret to everyone but commissioner Joe Nullet, and the rankings are only updated on Monday mornings. The secrecy involved affords us BCS-era drama, but in 2018. Glory, outrage, and everything in between await.
Here are this week’s updated rankings:
Assorted Comments
1. Bow down.
2. Top 4 holding real steady, though only a single point separate 3rd-ranked Barrett from 4th-ranked Primrose. Big back-and-forth going on between them.
3a. Ross jumped an unprecedented three spots. HUGE for him (full disclosure: Ross and I have historically gone 50/50 in head-to-heads, but he’s fallen off as of late).
3b. This is just a fun anecdote: 2 years ago, Ross and I played three games in a row where every game was a skunk (Ross skunked me, I skunked him, I skunked him). Never seen anything like it before or since.
4. A TON of movement this week, with 10/18 players jumping either up or down.
5. Hayden still behind Jay because this algorithm is WILD.
6. Cisco still undefeated but lacking that necessary volume.
7. I went undefeated this week. Not bragging, just saying. Check back next week to see if I’m still number 1 (I will be).
Two-Sentence Interview Of The Week
Jared: When are you going to play ping pong next?
Dillon: I don’t know; why?
This Week’s Featured Image Addition
I was looking for a nice .png image of a bartender (because it’s Friday afternoon and I’m way too lazy right now to do any sort of real photoshop work myself), but I couldn’t seem to find one. Then, something magic happened — I stumbled across this .png of an adorable butler statue and instantly knew he had to join the hallowed ranks of “featured image inclusion.”
Main Feature
The concept of heckling is one that’s currently top-of-mind for me. When you’re the top-ranked player in the office, people want to see you fall. That’s just how it is. People come at the king because they themselves want this throne upon which my tuchus sits, and I totally get that. It comes with the territory.
Sometimes, however, this desire to watch me fail manifests itself in my coworkers heckling me mid-game. And I’m not talking about a little short-term heckling situation; I’m incredibly guilty of that. I’m talking about extended, multi-point heckling. This was on full display earlier today, when Dan stopped by the table to spectate my match with Carter.
“Jared’s shook!”
“Jared doesn’t have it today!”
“Jared’s not feeling it today!”
After beating Carter 21-17, I got to thinking: what’s the most inconspicuous way I can slash Dan’s tires? Then I remembered what Gandhi once said: “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” Much like my post-victory ego, I decided to let Dan’s tires stay inflated.
But I still wasn’t feeling quite right. If this were a tennis match, Dan would’ve been shunned and perma-banned from eating strawberries and cream ever again. How much of tennis’ etiquette is supposed to be trickling on in to ping pong? All? None? The general rule is that if it is played in a bar, anything goes. But ping pong — while prevalent in many bars — is by no means a bar game the likes of darts, shuffleboard, billiards, whoever can puke the most in the mop bucket wins, etc.
What are y’alls thoughts on mid-game ping pong heckling? Are you for it or against it? Let me know in the comments..
P.S. — After some light reflection, I believe myself to most likely be guilty of the very same extended heckling for which I’m calling out Dan. In an effort to be better and #GrowTheGame, I’ll be taking a long look at how my actions influence those around me and try to be a model sportsman from here on out. Thanks for reading.
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Jared Borislow
Jared Borislow (@JaredBorislow) is a Senior Editor for Grandex Inc and the supreme leader of the Bone Zone.
@jaredborislow
@jaredborislow
Suck my dick!
They need to put a cap on your games per week