Friends Post Absurd Craigslist Ad Looking For Cooler Friends Who Love America


“WE NEED TO KNOW COOLER PEOPLE” the post exclaimed. A group of young professionals in Washington, DC are looking for a new group of friends to hang out with. They’re sick and tired of their lame friends who only stay at home on the weekends watching “OnDemand” while drinking a bottle of wine. I don’t know why they want new friends. That sounds like a helluva time to me.

I’m also willing to bet that the pics they used in the original post are not actually from their real life.

Without further ado (CLICK TO ENLARGE):

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Here’s the full text:

“Our current friends on a Friday night like to stay at home with a beer or glass of wine and watch OnDemand on a Friday night.
They would rather have a nice time at a friend’s apartment for NYE than an crazy 6 hour open bar with multiple DJ’s and dancefloors.
They turn down an all day barcrawl to read books, or take it easy from the night before, or brew beer. Beer is for drinking last time I checked, I let professionals brew my beer.THEY SUCK.It left us no choice but to:
1) Cut the Fat from our social circle
2) Reach out for All-American Partiers
3) PROFITWanted: Friends that will partake in awesome stuff. We go to the bars and rip shots with bartenders, go to raging parties on Friday nights that shutdown because its Monday morning and everyone is going to work, see sick concerts with some form of substance enhancement, because that is what we do.Applicants:


You drink Evan Williams.
Note: Other liquors will be drank if necessary, but we’re men, we drink whiskey.

Take pride in your appearance. If your closest is full of Ed Hardy t-shirts, you need not apply. Basically if you’re partying with us, 90% of the time you’ll be wearing a collar. Exceptions include day-longs where sleeveless is preferred (gotta let the pythons breath), or sporting events, or if we’re stealing shows at a themed party.

You lift weights, your body needs to be a temple. If you never have we can train you if you fit our other credentials. We’ve done Tough Mudders and marathons. No slumming.


Attractiveness is necessary. Working out should be in your regimen. If you’re blessed with a natural beauty, god bless. Hot friends are a plus.

We’re not looking for girlfriends here. We have stellar OK Cupid, Tinder, and Hinge accounts for that.

You can handle daydrinking. You like to party on the weekends. Nuff said.
(Warning: When you blackout you need to be one of those more fun/crazy blackouts, not messy/we have to take care of you blackouts. Be an adult and hold your own.)

Mad bonus points if you can swing free drinks at bars from dudes just ’cause. That is legit.

For Both:

YOU LOVE AMERICA. Maybe you’re not American and that’s fine. We live in a major international hub. But you’re here for a reason so you better love living here.
If the idea of attending a multi day music festival, a horse race, or an all day tailgate appeals to you than you’re in the right place.

Any questions or comments reply back
Pictures are highly recommended for quicker response.”

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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