======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I hate the word “hipster.” We’ve collectively ruined it. It’s become a blanket term that applies to anything that’s not in the same, generic run of our society. A bar that has food trucks rather than a standing menu? “Hipster.” Skinny jeans? “Hipster.” Craft cocktails named after famous authors from The Jazz Age? “Hipster.” If it’s not Miller Lite, vodka-sodas, jeans-and-button-downs, or something you can find in Target, it’s considered that wretched word with the worst connotations to it: “Hipster.”
But call me a “hipster” all you want, because I’m about to go all in on some minor life changes that are either going to vastly improve my quality of life or further my spiral into being full-blown yuppie scum. Accepting it is half the battle while implementing it is the other half.
I want to buy a record player.
Yes, a record player. The ease and vast catalogue of having literally every single artist I listen to on Spotify (special shoutout to Bob Seger and Taylor Swift)? Yeah, I want to throw that out the window in favor of the hassle, price, and general inconvenience of record players.
I want to listen to Miles Davis’s “Kind of Blue” in the same way everyone listened to it when it was released. I want to pick up the needle on that record player and drop it precisely where “Blue in Green” starts just before walking over to my bar cart and pouring myself a nip of small batch Japanese whiskey. I want to hear the static I don’t get from my Bose Soundproof Headphones. The first step to enjoying the finer things in life is throwing it back to the old days. The record player is the perfect place to start.
I want to start going to going out in the recently gentrified part of town.
You can only hit the same circuit of bars so many times before you start to hate yourself for how much money you shell out to an establishment that willingly plays Top 40 songs only. When that American Express year-end statement hits my inbox, I cringe thinking about the sheer amount of shitty vodka-sodas I fought to order from the same bartender who had to have been thinking, “Doesn’t this dude have anywhere else to go?”
The only move? The “hipster” neighborhood. In Austin’s case, it’s the East Side. Much maligned by the general public, it’s an untapped resource of craft cocktails and music that comes from jukeboxes rather than a DJ who works in tech. Dingy, honest, overpriced. Ugh, those words are music to my ears. I’ll pay $12 for a strong cocktail if it gives me the solitude of knowing that I’m not contributing to the downfall of society by way of paying a bar that turns the corner to dudes doing coke in the bathroom.
I want to start eating hybrid pastries.
Cronuts, cruffins, whatever other pastry you can possibly mix with a croissant – I want ’em. It’s no secret that I’ve been binge-watching The Great British Baking Show (and have huge crushes on Martha and Chetna), and it was only a matter of time before I’d start getting way too into baking. Too lazy to figure out how to actually bake anything, I need a gateway drug. That gateway drug just so happens to be overspending on Instagrammable pastries from restaurants across town. If enjoying the sweet taste of a chocolate stuffed cruffin is wrong, I’ve never wanted to be more wrong.
I want to start camping despite being the least rustic person ever.
If you google The Word I Will Not Be Mentioning Again In This Column, you’ll probably see an outpouring of beards, axes, and flannel. Well, I’ve already got the beard. And as someone who has recently regretted turning down every childhood opportunity to go to camp that he was offered, camping intrigues the shit out of 30-year-old me. Turns out “The Great Outdoors” isn’t just a phenomenal movie starting John Candy and Dan Aykroyd, but it’s also a place where people go to get a little peace of mind and become one with themselves. Sure, I’ll probably get bit by toxic mosquitos and come back carrying Zika, but just imagine the Instagram opportunities.
I want to start really getting into coffee.
It comes with a heavy heart that I admit to this community that I’m out on cold brew. I respect those who inject it into their veins day in and day out in order to make their job tolerable, but cold brew has never been something I drink regularly. I’m an Iced American guy, everyone knows that about me. And more recently, I’ve been starting my day with iced butter coffees mixed with MCT oil and collagen peptides by way of my AeroPress. Yes, I’m officially the male version of Gwyneth Paltrow. The next step? Pour over. Yes, it takes forever to make and is completely unnecessary given the coffee utensils I already own, but it’s my destiny.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to scour eBay for old jazz records while I overcook the pastries I just put in the oven. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
You’re the worst……but in all seriousness about getting into record players avoid the crappy Crosby portable players that they sell at big box stores and Urban Outfitters. Their garbage quality and many of them don’t allow for replacement cartridges. Say get an Audio Technica LP60, its a solid beginner turntable and comes ready to plug and play so you don’t need to buy a preamp.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, this is accurate.
I did use “Their” instead of “They’re” so that might be it in which case i understand my downvotes.
I fucking believe in you, man
To go off this, your best bet for a first player is to go to your local record shop and see if they have any used turntables for sale. And Discogs > eBay
Which player would you recommend for a beginner wanting to get one?
Audio Technica, Pioneer or Sony have some pretty decent base models for beginners which include bluetooth connectivity. I just use the RCA connections and run it through my home theater system. Think they’re all pretty much on par with each other quality wise but i think Audio Technica LP60 series beginner turntable are just more aesthetically pleasing though but that’s purely dependent on your taste.
Goctcha, I’ll look into those. Thanks!
Get something that plays 45’s
Hang on one second. While I agree with most of this, the Crosley Nomad is a solid starter suitcase record player. Plug n’ play with above average built in speakers and replaceable cartridge. Plus it has that basic vintage look that I feel like Will would appreciate.
It sounds so douchey as I type this, but there’s something so serene and satisfying about a glass of whiskey and the static you only get from a record player. Looks like I’m taking a page out of Duda’s book and staying in tonight
Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours and Glenmorangie are calling my name. Duda may be on to something.
You have exquisite taste sir. I dare anybody to name a better duo.
I want to become the ultimate hipster and start the concept of reverse gentrification which would expose the rest of the hipsters as being the hypocrite, grungy, rich kids that they are as they try to look poor while making poor neighborhoods cost way more which pushes the people they pretend to care about out of the area. I will do this while getting really into 4 track cassette tapes, bubble tea to welcome in our Asian foreign real estate investor friends who love paying $20k over asking price in cash, listening to Little Richard, and going urban camping in homeless tent cities because pretty soon this country is going to the Section 8 for the world elite to scrape more money out of
When did camping become hipster?
Everything sounds better on Vinyl. From Drake’s ‘Take Care’ to Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’…just do it, and plus its something that you can give your future kids after you and what’s her face finally get married.
Literally none of these appeal to me. But you do you.
Hey man…you have a good weekend
Thanks man, I will, you too.
Good lord, that record player you linked has Bluetooth built in. That may be the most hipster thing I see all weekend.
And the portable ones are garbage tbh and it takes a special kind of DB to go out somewhere with a suitcase player and an arm full of vinyls.
I bought a record player. If that makes me a hipster, then so be it, haters.
I’ve started to go far enough into the gentrifying bar zones that people won’t come with me because I’m leading them into actively dangerous situations. It’s great.
Sometimes it’s just nice to mix it up. I’ve got an old Technics turntable and love records, but also like being able to listen to whatever I want on Spotify. I like messing around with my pour over and Aeropress, but I also drink gas station coffee if I’m in a rush. Baking hipster crap is fun and tasty, but you also might find me at Krispy Kreme. I think the dreaded hipster word is more defined by an attitude than the actual craft cocktails, coffee, rustic-ness, etc.