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It’s Sunday night, and I’m curled up in my flannel penguin pajamas watching my beloved Patriots kick a little overrated Raiders ass in Mexico City. Even though my weekend up until this point was incredibly mundane – errands, errands and more errands – if this is how it ends, I can’t complain. Unlike these people.
Nathan Peterson
I’m writing this at 6pm on Sunday night due to a busy Monday morning of meetings, and as of right now, Buffalo Bills quarterback Nathan Peterson has thrown five interceptions in the first half. Sure I could wait and write this at the end of the game, but is it really going to get any better?
Apparently, there was a quarterback controversy up in Buffalo this week, with head coach Sean McDermott deciding to bench not great but not horrible Tyrod Taylor in favor of Peterson, a rookie who was a fifth-round pick. I say apparently because I literally don’t know one person that actually cares enough the Bills to care about who their quarterback is. Anyway, turns out that McDermott didn’t make the world’s best decision as five of Peterson’s fourteen passes were intercepted by Chargers.
Even worse for Peterson? Being judged by Michael Vick.
5 INTs in the 1st half?? Wow
— Michael Vick (@MichaelVick) November 19, 2017
[via Deadspin]
Jim Mora
Honestly, the only things I’ve heard about UCLA recently have been about those morons who got caught shoplifting in China and how that idiot father of one of them is now in a Twitter feud with our equally idiotic President about it. But apparently UCLA’s football team sucks?
Or at least that’s what I’m left to guess after the school fired head football coach Jim Mora on Sunday after a loss to rival USC on Saturday night. According to UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero.
Making a coaching change is never easy, but it’s an especially difficult decision when you know that a coach has given his all to our University. Jim helped reestablish our football program, and was instrumental in so many ways in moving the program forward.
While his first four seasons at UCLA were very successful, the past two seasons have not met expectations. We thank Jim and his family for his service to our school and his unquestionable commitment to our student-athletes.
Well as if that backhanded compliment wasn’t stinging enough, Mora’s firing comes on his 56th birthday. Ouch. [via ESPN]
Justice League
You and I would be pretty happy if we made $96 million this past weekend, but if you’re what was supposed to be a blockbuster superhero movie, that doesn’t quite cut it.
Justice League, which brings together Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, underperformed its expected $110 million opening this weekend by only taking in $96 million. Not that huge of a deal, but when you consider that Justice League is now the only film in the DC Extended Universe to not make at least $100 million in North America in its opening weekend, you can understand why the folks at Warner Brothers are a bit concerned.
Reviews may have had something to do with the slow box office, with a 40% rating on Rotten Tomatoes while “critics called the film a “big, ugly mess,” saying that superhero fans “deserve better,”” according to CNN.
Of course, there’s always the chance that revenue will pick up this holiday week. After all, even a bad movie is better than listening to my extended family discuss politics. [via CNN]
Trader Joe’s Shoppers
So you thought you were being healthy by buying that premade salad at Trader Joe’s, didn’t you? Well, it turns out there may be some unexpected ingredients in your bowl of greens.
According to a recall notice posted on the chain’s website, three prepackaged salads – the White Meat Chicken salad, the Curried White Chicken Deli salad and the Turkey Cranberry Apple salad – with expiration dates from November 10-21 are being recalled after a supplier reported the products may contain pieces of glass or hard plastic. Yum.
The recall affects White Meat Chicken salads and Curried White Chicken Deli salads sold in Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Louisiana, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Texas and Turkey Cranberry Apple salads sold in Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington.
That’s what you get for trying to be healthy – they haven’t recalled the frozen cheese enchiladas I buy there. [via People]
Kids
I rarely feel bad for today’s children. Those assholes are totally spoiled. But they are now being robbed of one of the greatest holiday thrills from my childhood – waiting in line for Santa.
Kids wanting to visit Santa at Macy’s in Herald Square in New York will now need to make a reservation to visit Ol’ Saint Nick. According to the store’s website:
Santa’s a popular guy, so the wait times to meet him have been quite long in previous years. The new reservation system is designed to minimize this by scheduling visitors to join the line at the time of your choice, allowing for the best possible holiday experience.
What’s a bunch of crap. Sure, waiting in line for Santa was torturous – for both child and parent – but it was part of the whole deal. Plus, your parents totally had you on a short leash because the man who would determine if you got that Barbie dream house was a mere few feet away and you had best behave. But now you have to make a reservation to see Santa the same as you do for that bottomless mimosa brunch? Ugh, Christmas is ruined..
[via New York Post]
Image via YouTube / Warner Bros
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Mora may have been fired on his 56th birthday, but he’ll be okay given his $12 million buyout. Hell, I wouldn’t mind being fired on my 27th birthday for 10% of that.
Negotiating a buyout clause for new job. PGPM
They could cast a shirtless Jason Momoa in a movie about watching paint dry and I will still go see it.
It’s Nathan Peterman not Peterson
At least he’s got his catalog business to fall back on.
In her defense, it’s not really worth bothering to figure out who he is.
Played the Chargers D in fantasy. So pleased with Peterman’s performance
The kids of today need to start getting used to being fucked over. They’re entering a world that doesn’t need them anymore. When Artificial Intelligence takes over and singularity occurs, just get a new Furby instead of a kid because it will be able to do way cooler stuff and it won’t need food or all that other expensive bullshit lol
If you didn’t see the justice league situation coming then you’re probably not any more into DC than the people who saw Marvel and said “hey we like money and that looks easy enough let’s do that. There are other comics right?”
100% agree. Aside from Wonder Woman the D.C. Cinematic universe has been 97.6% dumpster fire
At what point do you admit you lost?
When the shame outweighs the money.