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I’ve been pushing through a raging headcold ever since my return from Texas, so the fact that I’ve awakened from my NyQuil-induced dreamland to compose this column is a testament to my dedication to you all, my dear readers.
Last week was a strange one, with that middle of the week holiday. Some people were off the whole week, some people were off the first half of the week, some people were off the second half of the week, and some poor unfortunately schmucks were only off on Wednesday. So it’s no wonder that things got a little bit weird over the weekend.
Spurs Fans
And, despite a $10 million dollar deal, Tony Parker. Parker, who hoped to play three more years in San Antonio to close out a twenty year career with the same team, instead will be leaving his home of 17 years to head to the Charlotte Hornets.
The 36-year-old Parker was selected by the Spurs 28th overall in the 2001 NBA draft and won four titles with the team in 2003, 2005, 2007 and 2014 and was the 2007 NBA Finals MVP. He became an unrestricted free agent this summer and while the Spurs did express an interest in keeping him, it would have been in a “mentorship” role. So the 2007 Finals MVP is taking his talents to the Hornets. Also likely at play? Parker’s contentious relationship with Kawhi Leonard.
Parker told The Undefeated’s Marc Spears,
Tough decision. Tough three days. Tough communicating it all to Pop. But I had to move on. It was a very emotional conversation with Pop and [Spurs general manager] R.C. Buford. I will always love San Antonio. I will always be a Spur. My family and house are in San Antonio. But I’m excited to play for my idol in M.J. [Hornets owner Michael Jordan], coach J.B. [James Borrego], who I played for in San Antonio, and with my little brother Nicolas Batum.
Popovich said in a statement,
It’s difficult to put into words how important Tony Parker has been to the Spurs franchise over the past two decades. From his first game in 2001 at age 19, TP has impressed and inspired us — day after day, game after game, season after season — with his passion, dedication and desire. We are grateful to Tony for 17 years of truly amazing memories.
I’m sure that’s of great solace to Spurs’ fans. [via ESPN.com]
Brittany Burke and Richard Pariseau
This crime couple isn’t exactly the next incarnation of Bonnie and Clyde. What ensued after the two had reportedly used a stolen credit card to buy a can of soda at a convenience store in Alberta, Canada is the stuff of pure legend – or, if you are writer Matthew Jacobs of The Huffington Post, cinematic legend. Jacobs has taken the recently released footage of the two hapless criminals and added perhaps the best film script of the year. Check out the video below:
And now head on over to The Huffington Post link to read Jacobs’ “treatment.” I bet even Burke and Pariseau would laugh at his description of their antics…if they get the internet in jail. [via The Huffington Post]
This Pilot
Until I read this article, I had no idea that the Air Force was working on coffee mugs that cost $1,200 apiece. I was outraged for about 30 seconds, until I read that a spilled Red Bull cost more than $100,000 in damage to a $38 million MC-12W reconnaissance aircraft.
The incident happened over a year ago, but just made news after a Freedom of Information Act request:
On 5 Jun 2017, the Mishap Crew (MC) was enroute to their assigned airspace when the Mishap Copilot (MCP, Person #1) retrieved a 16oz can of Red Bull from his backpack. While still holding the unopened can, the can ruptured spilling fluid onto the center console. While the MCP used his shirt to absorb what he could, the Mishap Pilot (MP) noticed a faint odor. He subsequently shut down the mission system power, which alleviated the odor. The crew discussed their options and decided to RTB [return to base].
How much do you want to bet that “Mishap Copilot” is now that guy’s permanent nickname? [via The Drive]
60 Dudes in New York
We don’t know who they are, but they probably do.
Dating coach Meredith Golden, who I go on a rant about way back in Episode 39 of my world-famous podcast, Don’t Take It From Us, is back at it. First, she was charging $900 bucks a pop to take over dating apps for New York singles, and now she’s essentially creating a dating black list.
Golden has developed a list of 60 men that she claims are “the worst she’s come across.” She avoids these guys for her clients and spreads the word about them to other matchmakers, as well.
These dudes’ crimes against romance? According to Golden, they lie about their jobs, ages, or appearance; expressed racist tendencies; or harassed women. Some had commited more specific offenses, such as “the guy who went on a date with one of Golden’s clients and revealed, within the first 10 minutes, that he’d fantasized about stabbing his mother in the eyes with a fork” or “a guy went out for drinks with one of her clients and shared his troublesome views on dating younger women: “As long as someone has gone through puberty it’s fair game.””
These guys all sound like winners, but blackballing guys from the dating scene while you’re taking 900 bucks a pop to hook up singles seems a bit disingenuous, doesn’t it? [via New York Post]
Polish Historian & Political Scientist Jerzy Targalski
Remember that video last year of the guy giving a TV interview when his kid randomly wondered in? Well, it looks like this year’s version is this cat joining Targalski during an interview with Dutch public television:
The Polish historian & political scientist Jerzy Targalski remained completely unruffled during our interview when this happened♂️ pic.twitter.com/4dLi16Pq1H
— Rudy Bouma (@rudybouma) July 7, 2018
Honestly, that cat’s my spirit animal. He just wants some attention – who doesn’t? .
Image via Frederic Legrand – COMEO / Shutterstock.com
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
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Ok but would you know who Polish Historian & Political Scientist, Jerzy Targalski (as he will be referred in all future correspondence) was if not for that bit of feline intervention? I think not.