Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: No Returns

Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: No Returns

I have to say, it was a fantastic weekend for me. The sun was – finally – out, I got my hair done, did a ton of meal prep for the next few weeks since I’ll be traveling a ton and did a bunch of online shopping from my couch while watching the Sunday SVU marathon. So no complaints from me, but there are definitely some people with some bitchin’ to do.

Derek Fisher

Normally, I keep it pretty light-hearted here, but there are very few things that piss me off as much as
drunk driving. Here’s how I see it – if you want to fuck up your own life, have it at, but when you get behind the wheel of a car drunk, you risk fucking up the lives of everyone else on the road. Which is exactly what Fisher did early Sunday morning.

Fisher was arrested around 3:00 a.m. Sunday after flipping his 2015 Cadillac on the northbound side of the Ventura 101 Freeway outside of Hollywood. Luckily, neither Fisher or his passenger, “Basketball Wives” star Gloria Govan (the ex-wife of Fisher’s former teammate Matt Barnes), were hurt; nor was anyone else on the road.

Thank god. [Via TMZ]

Fouad Elayyan

Given my propensity for impulse shopping, I’ve made a lot of purchases that I later deemed to be mistakes and returned. But I’ve certainly never spent $11,250 on jeans, as Elayyan did, so I’ve never tried to make that large of a return – which apparently the folks are Barney’s weren’t thrilled by.

Back in October, the Staten Island attorney bought “four pairs of pre-distressed jeans at up to $1,490 a pop and two plush $3,455 bomber jackets” from French designer Balmain at the high-end department store. A week later, Elayyan decided to return five of the six items, and Barney’s refused to accept the return, despite it being well within the thirty-day window of their return policy.

Elayyan filed a suit in Staten Island Supreme Court on Friday against Barney’s, asking for $25,000 for breach of contract. I’d say the dude probably had a pretty bad weekend, being out $11 grand and all, but if you’ve got enough cause to spend that much on skinny jeans and velvet jackets, you’re probably doing okay. [Via New York Post]

Eli Manning

Just because you are a (supposedly) elite athlete at one sport doesn’t necessarily mean you are good at all sports. So maybe we should give Eli Manning a pass after this pathetic hit at a celebrity softball game in New York this weekend.

Friday night was the Landon Collins Celebrity Softball Game at Palisades Credit Union Park in Pomona, New York benefitting the Tom Coughlin Jay Fund, which helps families whose children are facing cancer. Manning showed up to support the event, but originally was not supposed to participate. According to Joe Ruback, who organized the charity game with Collins and former Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, “”Eli shows up in his polo shirt and shorts; I don’t think he intended to take part. But everybody was having so much fun, he couldn’t wait to get up there.”

After seeing Manning’s sad ground ball…perhaps he should just stick to the gridiron. [Via Bleacher Report]

These Papa John’s Employees

Speaking of sticking to your day job… that’s probably what two Papa John’s employees should have done, instead of deciding to deliver drugs along with their sub-par pizza.

Cops in Sammamish, Washington were tipped off that the two employees were dealing drugs out of the Papa John’s franchise. According, to Sgt. Cindi West, spokeswoman for the King County Sheriff’s Office, “What the detectives would do is they’d order pizza and go out and wait in the parking lot. The employee would bring the pizza out and in the box would be the cocaine.” West shared that detectives named the sting “Operation Extra Olives” because “every time they’d order pizza, they’d say, ‘Give it extra olives.'”

Friday, detectives executed warrants at the store and another location and found $28,000 in cash, cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana, Oxycodone, LSD and methamphetamine, as well as cocaine residue around the cash register and in employee washing areas.

According to West, the owners of the franchise were clueless as to what was going on and are cooperating with police. Which I’m not sure I buy…shouldn’t they have been tipped off with all of the olives they were going through? I mean, who the hell puts olives on their pizza?! [Via CNN]

Nut Lovers

Ew, not that kind of nut, you perverts. I’m talking about actual nuts, like macadamias and cashews, because they have been added to the seemingly never-ending list of recalled foods.

According to the FDA, Simple Truth Dry Roasted Macadamia Nuts and Ava’s Organic Cashews Roasted & Salted have both been recalled for possible listeria contamination. The macadamia nuts were sold in Ohio, Kentucky, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri and Indiana and various Kroger, Bakers, Gerbes and Dillons stores. The cashews were sold in New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and Pennsylvania.

As I’ve said before when I’ve covered the Aunt Jemima and Blue Bell ice cream recalls, the symptoms of listeriosis include fever, muscle aches, and sometimes nausea or diarrhea. If infection spreads to the nervous system, symptoms such as headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of balance, or convulsions can occur.

BRB, adding nuts to the list of foods I no longer eat. [Via CNN]

Image via Shutterstock

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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