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Ah, the last Monday of 2016. Most of us are off today – thank you, federal government for this Christmas Day (Observed) – but there are a few poor souls who have to drag themselves to work today after a weekend of family dinners, present opening and excessive alcohol intake. But even as much as those people are probably hurting today, there are a few people that definitely had a worse weekend.
Britney Spears
We lost George Michael on Christmas Day (#RIP), but another music superstar was declared dead on December 26th. The internet freaked the fuck out when Sony Music tweeted that the Princess of Pop, Britney Spears, had died:
But the music gods spared us from losing two legends in one weekend, because it turns out it was all a hoax. Phew, I don’t think my heart could handle another loss this year. [Via TMZ]
The Minnesota Vikings
The Browns finally won a game, so they are excluded from this week’s column. The NFL team taking their place had a hell of a weekend, though – the Minnesota Vikings. To kick off their holiday weekend, the plane carrying the team to Wisconsin for their Christmas Eve match up with the Packers skidded off the runway upon landing Friday night, leaving the team trapped on the plane for more than four hours.
No one was injured, and the players were eventually taken off the plane using a fire department cherry picker.
While taxiing after a safe landing, the team plane slid off the runway and became stuck. We are waiting patiently to exit the plane.
— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) December 24, 2016
The Vikings didn’t fare that much better the next day, when Bradford was sacked four times and the team had two turnovers and ultimately lost to Green Bay 38-25. Hopefully they at least had an uneventful flight home. [Via ABCNews]
This Guy
There is nothing better than getting exactly want you want for Christmas, which is exactly what happened to Andrew Woodard on Christmas when he opened his new Playstation. But he also got something he didn’t want: attacked by a cat.
Jessica Freeman, a friend of Woodard’s, posted a vid of him excitedly opening his new toy, and the cat, who apparently has no use for Woodard’s joy, pouncing. Freeman updated her post to include photos of Woodward’s injuries and a response to those who accuse her animal abuse, but we all know the truth: cats are assholes who can’t stand it if people are happy. [Via People]
Bill Ackman
You may not know Bill Ackman, who is a billionaire founder of asset management firm Pershing Square, but he should serve as your prime example of why you should always have pre-nup, no matter how poor you are at the time of your marriage.
Ackman and his wife, landscape architect Karen Ann Herskovitz, have separated, and Page Six is reporting that due to their lack of their pre-nup, Karen could be entitled to half of his fortune – estimated to be around $1.65 billion. The couple has been together for 25 years, and married for 22, the period during which Ackman made most of his money – a portfolio that includes $90 million NYC penthouse, a $35 million apartment near Central Park, and two Hamptons mansions worth $22 million and $23.5 million apiece.
But let’s be honest, even if Karen takes half Bill’s fortune…half of a billion is still about $499,999,999 more than I have. [Via Page Six]
Dennis Basso
You may also not know who Dennis Basso is, but the high-end designer had a pretty crappy weekend after millions of dollars in fur was stolen from his NYC store.
The heist took place early on Christmas Eve, when thieves broke down the door of Basso’s flagship store on Madison Avenue and made off with “only the most expensive sable coats,” according to Basso. The designer, who has dressed the likes of the Hilton sisters, Michelle Obama, Catherine Zeta Jones, Brooke Shields, Katie Couric and Naomi Campbell, told The Daily Mail, “it could be the largest fur heist in the city of New York.”
Someone probably had a good weekend? That person that got a new free fur coat for Christmas. [Via Daily Mail]
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
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San Diego Charger fans:
Team lost to 0-14 Cleveland and is going to “likely” move to LA in two weeks.
Double junk punch.
So there’s a major theft of a major Manhattan store on Christmas Eve… Have the police looked at this being the work of the notorious Wet Bandits?
I think they’re the sticky bandits now
You have a million dollars? Sup and I love you.
Read that wrong. Still stands I guess.
Can’t feel sorry for the Vikings when players openly said they ignored the game plan and let jordy Nelson go free on purpose. Cost me my fantasy championship