Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Ball To The Balls

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There’s a funny thing about weekends when you’re unemployed — they pretty much seem the same as the weekdays. So, my weekend, frankly, wasn’t all that different from the previous five days, except that there were more people around — which can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending. So, while my weekend was ho-hum, it was still better than some peoples’.

Yadier Molina

You thought a knee to the crotch was bad? How about a professionally thrown pitch?

St. Louis Cardinals catcher, Yadier Molina, took one to the pelvic area during Saturday’s game versus the Cubs. Kris Bryant foul-tipped a 102-mph pitch from Chicago reliever Jordan Hicks directly into Molina’s privates in the 8th inning, causing him to leave the game. President of baseball operations John Mozeliak told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that Molina underwent emergency surgery to treat a traumatic hematoma that required immediate attention, while Cardinals manager Mike Matheny said, “That was a bad one. Those don’t necessarily feel better tomorrow.” No shit, Mike.

The Cardinals placed Molina, an eight-time Gold Glove winner, the 10-day disabled list Sunday, but somehow I think it may take him a bit longer to recover. [via ESPN]

26-Year-Olds in England

The headline really sums it up: “One in eight 26-year-olds are still virgins due to fear of intimacy and humiliation on social media, study finds.”

According to the aforementioned study, which was conducted by researchers from the Next Steps project as part of the Department for Education and University College London, a ‘culture of hypersexuality’ is to blame for the increase of late bloomers. Susanna Abse, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist at the Balint Consultancy, told the Sunday Times, “Millennials have been brought up in a culture of hypersexuality which has bred a fear of intimacy. The women are always up for it with beautiful bodies — and the men have permanent erections. The fear for young men is of being humiliated that they can’t live up to that, plus the fear of exposure in your Facebook group.”

Well, there’s not really much more to say here, is there? [via Daily Mail]

Blac Chyna

The notion of being famous for just being famous is something I simply don’t understand. Which is why I don’t particularly feel bad for Blac Chyna, who is apparently taking quite the pay cut on her personal appearances.

According to TMZ, Blac Chyna was getting upwards of $30k for gigs when she was enmeshed in the Kardashian Klan. Since the break-up with Rob, she’s taken a 75% pay cut, pulling in around $7k per appearance. The site asked several club promoters their thoughts on Chyna’s prospects, and one said he “wouldn’t pay her a penny more than $5k because Chyna without Rob is like Sonny without Cher,” while another stated, “the max he’d shell out is $2k because she’s not relevant anymore.”

Ouch. [via TMZ]

Your Emotional Support Animal

Obviously, you all follow me on Twitter so you know that I am a recent dog adopter. As you probably also know, I suffer from pretty severe anxiety. Even so, I’m not going to register my new-to-me/old-to-the-world pup as an “emotional support dog,” even though his presence would likely be helpful when anxiety sneaks up on me, because I feel like paying $25 on the internet for a certificate and a vest takes away from those who truly need support animals. And now 21 states feel the same way.

Governors in both Minnesota and Arizona have signed new laws that crack down on illegal representations of pets as service animals, with their owners subject to fines. According to NBCNews,

There is no uniform nationwide certification or registration process for legitimate service animals — which receive up to several years of specialized training — making it easy for people to scam a non-existent system. And the easy availability online of “service dog” harnesses and vests is all too tempting for animal-owners who want company running errands and going out.

There is a difference between “support” animals and actual service animals, which are regulated under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Under the law, service animals can only be dogs and miniature horses — so your emotional support peacock is just going to have to stay home. [via NBCNews]

The 76’ers

You may have thought the Raptors had the worst weekend in basketball, with LeBron’s hitting a “one-foot, falling-out-of-bounds, 19-foot bank shot” in the final seconds of Saturday’s game to bring the Cavs up to 3-0 vs. Toronto, but I’m a homer, so I’m going with the Sixers’ overtime loss.

After four quarters of lead changes (and eight ties in the fourth quarter), 76ers guard Marco Belinelli hit a two-pointer at the end of regulation to tie the game. Some idiot at the Well Fargo Center thought the Sixers had won the game on Belinelli’s shot and dropped confetti prior to the start of overtime.

Once the celebratory paper had been swept away, the Celtics proceeded on the path to sweeping the Sixers, with the 101-98 victory putting them up 3-0 on Philly.

And yes, I know that if we win, we’re likely going to be up against LeBron in the next round. Just let me enjoy this, will you? [via Boston.com] .

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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