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Though crafting my own damning, wildly uninformed review on San Francisco is something I’m excited to dive into, I’d be remiss if I didn’t lead with this clip from the South Park episode portraying San Francisco. It’s an accurate summation of my views on the city, and Cartman’s reaction to San Franciscans may as well be my own (starts at the 30-second mark). Consider this clip the Cliff’s Notes.
Aside from a heroic group of San Franciscans who roam the city at night, tipping over Smart Cars, the citizens of San Francisco should probably do the rest of the country a favor and fall into the gaping crevice (which they will almost certainly pronounce cre-vaahhs) that rips open and drops them into hell the next time God justly tries to wipe this overpriced assortment of shacks on 85 degree angle hills from the face of the Earth.Every time I see the destruction of San Francisco portrayed on film, I cheer for the antagonist (though I’d argue San Francisco is the real antagonist). During the last two “Planet of the Apes” films, I cheered for the apes both times.
After all, the San Francisco dwelling humans were fighting to regain their old way of life. Who in their right mind could endorse that? In fact, shouldn’t they have been happy that they couldn’t use electricity anymore, and that they were running out of fossil fuels? I see who you really are, San Franciscans. You’re all for smugly telling the rest of the country to save the planet and conserve resources until someone takes away your MacBook Airs and coffee house Wi-Fi. Then it’s all, “OMG NOOO! We need ALL the gasoline! Kill the animals! WE DON’T CARE JUST LET US WORK ON OUR SHITTY POETRY IN PEACE!” The cost of living in that city is so mind bogglingly high, the cardboard boxes the legion of homeless that roam San Francisco sleep in cost more than my car.
This city is smug enough without another World Series title..
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Rob Fox
Rob Fox is a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move (as Bacon), Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. From St. Louis originally, he currently lives in Austin, Texas, and still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living. He is also prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co
@BaconTFM
@bacontfm
You think San Francisco is smug enough already? Having lived in STL the last two years, I’ve seen that nothing compares the smugness of Cardinals fans in September and October. The holier than thou attitude of the self-proclaimed “best fans in baseball” is disgusting. If there is anyone who is underserving of another World Series title, it’s the hillbillies and rednecks of “Cardinal Nation.”
Bacon, the Cardinals are more washed up than prisoners that tried to escape from our beloved Alcatraz. When was the last time you even won a World Series? Three years ago? On an equally serious note, I would suggest improving your “wildly uninformed” view by actually visiting, as SF really is a great city. GO GIANTS
Sent from one of my four iPads….soooo smug
Other than Dutch crunch, there are no redeemable aspects.
Since it seems that this is the time and place where we shit talk each other’s baseball teams, I’d like to direct my comments to a Mr. Brian McGannon. Fuck your Royals! GO O’S! No hard feelings, I enjoy reading this site.
Never met a person who hated on the City, visited it, and continued to hate on it. We do have WAY too many homeless people, but besides that we good.
S’co Giants.
You’d do just about anything, including writing an article such as this, to drop in a cheap shot at the Giants for not makings the playoffs. I like your style. As a completely neutral fan this post season, I can appreciate some good ole fashioned smack talk.
You serious, Clark?
Oh well fuck me… you win this time happy hour. I fell asleep before the game was over last night, forgive me. I knew better. I’ll even ‘meh’ my own comment. I still stand by my statement about the smack talk though. (Go Giants)
The other night…whatever, I quit.