Everything I’ve Done This Week To Deter Me From Success

Everything I’ve Done This Week To Deter Me From Success

I come to you at 10:35 a.m. CST, the very beginning of what is looking like a roughly 13-hour day. How did I get here? Well, I volunteered to partake and lead several meetings that would be set up by some of the higher-ups at my company. While I’m happy to do it and grateful for the opportunity, I’m not sure why they decided to schedule them all in one day at odd hours. However, this is the world I live in, and it’s what I signed up for.

It was around this time last week where I got wine drunk and wrote the column, I’m Done With Trying Not To Fail. While it’s a great sentiment and I really am trying to succeed now, I realized this week that I never really set in place some criteria to determine whether or not I was achieving my goal. After some treadmill therapy, I came to the conclusion that I could take events from my work week and determine if the intended outcome was to push myself professionally. If the professional events outweigh the unprofessional events, I consider that a good week.

This was not a good week. Maybe it’s because I’m the youngest person at my office, maybe I have a subconscious desire to be looked at as a Jim Halpert type. I’m not really sure. Here are some of the things I’ve done to deter myself from achieving success in the workplace this week.

Legitimately think about starting a cover band.

It’s alright for your mind to wander every here and there. Sometimes I’ll be listening to Bruce Springsteen and suddenly I’m daydreaming about taking over lead guitar during Badlands while playing at Wrigley Field. We all do it.

It’s a totally different story when you’re putting together a playlist ranging from The Allman Brothers to Jimmy Eat World, putting together hypothetical lineups from your work team, and sending that Google Doc to some of the key members on my team (including my boss) with the subject line “Just Think About It.”

Making fun of our new hire’s air purifier.

It looks like a butthole. I’m sorry Becca, but it’s round like a doughnut with a tighter hole that has steam coming out of it, and it puckers sometimes. If you didn’t see that coming, you’re blind.

To build off of that…

Not having anything prepared for my one on one meeting with our new hire.

Becca: Hey, thank you so much for taking the time to sit down with me.

Me: Yeah, no problem! So, what questions do you have for me?

Becca: Uh…none? Was I supposed to have some?

Me: I…I thought so? What has everyone else been doing?

Becca: Well most people have been showing me what they’re working on and telling me how I could help…

Me: Closes out of PGP, grabs HDMI cable. Yeah, I guess we could do that.


Coming in very obviously hungover on a Wednesday.

On Tuesday night, I had a Bumble date. She paid for all the drinks. That’s not something I’ve experienced before, and I took advantage of it. So when I came into the office on Wednesday morning wearing black and grey fleece joggers and a blue flannel, I think most people figured something was up.

Now, it’s one thing to be hungover and push through, get some stuff done, and feel like a hot shot at the end of the day. I, on the other hand, sat in my cube and complained like a little bitch the whole time. Not a great look.

Rapping along to “Ultralight Beam” while on the production floor.

Sorry for tryna keep my faith.

The road to success is a marathon, not a sprint. Hopefully, I have more to show for it next week.

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Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at or whatever.

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