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I keep my head down at the office most days. Even though I hate the New England Patriots with every fiber of my being I begrudgingly adopted Bill Belichick’s motto long ago – “Do Your Job.” It’s really that simple. If I get my shit done what does it matter if I look happy about it while I’m doing it?
I do what is asked of me in a timely fashion with no expression on my face and my headphones in and I get out the hell out of that cesspool as soon as humanly possible.
Every office has a few social butterflies that act like waking up every day is a blessing from some higher power though and the ones that occupy my office have become my mortal enemies. I’m a cynic at heart and I just cannot abide by this.
I’m talking about those people who volunteer to work the booth at a convention on a Saturday or bake snacks that sit in the break room relatively untouched for no other reason than they just felt like doing something nice for their coworkers. They are well intentioned folk that somehow put on a smile on their face everyday and for that I commend them. But there comes a certain point when it just gets to be a little much.
Have you ever met someone that just seems too nice? I’m talking about the kind of person that will enthusiastically lick the bosses leather shoes if they were asked to do so. The most menial task is done with a second thought and they just come off as serial killer-esque. If you’re that happy all of the time you’ve got to be suppressing some dark shit deep down in the crevices of your body.
I’m sure most of these happy go lucky coworkers of mine believe that their happiness is contagious in the office. That they are helping team morale by walking around and kissing ass all day, but for me this is doing the exact opposite thing. I feel like jumping and screaming at them everytime they come around me “WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME? LOOK AROUND YOU! THE WORLD IS SHIT!” It actually makes me want to work less hard for some odd reason.
I get pissed off whenever I’m greeted by these chuckleheads first thing in the morning. It’s like they’ve never had a bad day in their lives and I just cannot understand that. I know it’s cliche to say but I don’t like talking to anyone much before 10:00 a.m. in the morning, and I especially don’t like it when it’s from someone who seems like they’ve always just railed a gator tail of coke and a triple espresso back to back.
I don’t need motivation from other coworkers to get my work done. I need the enthusiasm cranked down about five notches and for you take that stupid fucking grin off of your face before I take it off for you. I apologize for the cynical take on a Friday but I’m not exactly working a dream job right now, and neither are the people I’m complaining about in this blog. How can you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, excited to come to do a middle of the road job where the pay and benefits are absolute shit? Just do your job like everyone else so we can all go home. I don’t need you blowing sunshine up everyone’s ass and keeping us here any later than 5:30 p.m..
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