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I keep my head down at the office most days. Even though I hate the New England Patriots with every fiber of my being I begrudgingly adopted Bill Belichick’s motto long ago – “Do Your Job.” It’s really that simple. If I get my shit done what does it matter if I look happy about it while I’m doing it?
I do what is asked of me in a timely fashion with no expression on my face and my headphones in and I get out the hell out of that cesspool as soon as humanly possible.
Every office has a few social butterflies that act like waking up every day is a blessing from some higher power though and the ones that occupy my office have become my mortal enemies. I’m a cynic at heart and I just cannot abide by this.
I’m talking about those people who volunteer to work the booth at a convention on a Saturday or bake snacks that sit in the break room relatively untouched for no other reason than they just felt like doing something nice for their coworkers. They are well intentioned folk that somehow put on a smile on their face everyday and for that I commend them. But there comes a certain point when it just gets to be a little much.
Have you ever met someone that just seems too nice? I’m talking about the kind of person that will enthusiastically lick the bosses leather shoes if they were asked to do so. The most menial task is done with a second thought and they just come off as serial killer-esque. If you’re that happy all of the time you’ve got to be suppressing some dark shit deep down in the crevices of your body.
I’m sure most of these happy go lucky coworkers of mine believe that their happiness is contagious in the office. That they are helping team morale by walking around and kissing ass all day, but for me this is doing the exact opposite thing. I feel like jumping and screaming at them everytime they come around me “WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME? LOOK AROUND YOU! THE WORLD IS SHIT!” It actually makes me want to work less hard for some odd reason.
I get pissed off whenever I’m greeted by these chuckleheads first thing in the morning. It’s like they’ve never had a bad day in their lives and I just cannot understand that. I know it’s cliche to say but I don’t like talking to anyone much before 10:00 a.m. in the morning, and I especially don’t like it when it’s from someone who seems like they’ve always just railed a gator tail of coke and a triple espresso back to back.
I don’t need motivation from other coworkers to get my work done. I need the enthusiasm cranked down about five notches and for you take that stupid fucking grin off of your face before I take it off for you. I apologize for the cynical take on a Friday but I’m not exactly working a dream job right now, and neither are the people I’m complaining about in this blog. How can you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, excited to come to do a middle of the road job where the pay and benefits are absolute shit? Just do your job like everyone else so we can all go home. I don’t need you blowing sunshine up everyone’s ass and keeping us here any later than 5:30 p.m..
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jduda@grandex.co
At my office, enthusiastic people are just people who haven’t been here long enough.
I always enjoy seeing the shift in new hires as the job consumes their soul
“Why didn’t you come to the team dinner on Thursday?” Uh I don’t know maybe because I spend upwards of 10 hours a day with you and any more time together might drive me to make a news headline. I do my job, you do yours. I can’t understand the incessant need to bond.
My man
In what world do snacks in the break room go untouched? Everywhere I’ve worked, you could put a turd in the break room with some paper plates and plastic forks beside it and it would be gone by 10am.
YES to this. I’m convinced that the overly enthusiastic people in my office are into some weiirrdd shit. Also, if I hear someone in my office say HAPPY NEW YEARS over enthusiastically I am going to freak out.
Time to look for a new job. It’s understandable that you were unemployed so you took the first thing that came along.
I work in the public sector and apathy is killing my enthusiasm. Too many people just trying to get to 30 years not caring about the product. Need to get out ASAP.
Here’s a hint: most of your coworkers can see that you’re a dick. Maybe this attitude is what’s preventing you from getting a better job.
Duda has a shit job because his “I’m cool as shit attitude” made him think he was too good to ever put some 50 hour weeks in. So his skillset never advanced. You know what jobs allow you to get your work done will little human interaction? Clerical bullshit. The man never invested in his professional career outside of writing blogs, thought his move to Austin was his golden ticket, and here he is still a remote writer for the dying “cess pool” of a company that fucked him over.
It’s not as easy as snapping your fingers and getting a new one. Job trees with easy to pick jobbies don’t just exist
“ It also keeps your profile out of the search results when someone at your company does a hiring search.” Which is why hiring managers use fake profiles when they search LinkedIn. They didn’t get to be managers by being complete idiots.
Delete your account
These people are probably mainlining Lithium just to get by because deep deep down, they know that the soon to be bleak alternative for corporate America is Foxconn suicide nets draped across every building because retraining new employees is a costly overhead expense so instead, the Kleptogarchs just slowly kill everyone off with incrementally shittier pay and benefits and force you to feel grateful that you are able to come in everyday for decades to make them a lot of money lol
This is gold! Managers aren’t stupid. They know those people are trying to get attention or some kind of promotion. The co-workers who are usually quiet and minds their own business are the good ones to work with.
Duda… I get that work sucks sometime but why don’t you just get a new one? Chicago is a massive city. Especially if the pay isn’t even good?
Talk to a local recruiter/head hunter and see what your options are. There is also a feature on linked in to make your profile appear in search results when hiring managers do searches. It also keeps your profile out of the search results when someone at your company does a hiring search. I’ve gotten a few decent prospects and one I’m currently pursuing out of the linked in thing (among many shit ones).
Duda: I could use a real straight shooter with middle management written all over him on my team. Check out whitehouse dot gov/cea/jobs-internships/