The caption always reads the same. A protracted paragraph all about something that no one else really cares about if they’re pressed on it.
“Two years ago I moved to [insert city here] and my life was forever changed. I’ve met friends who I’ll never forget and made memories that will last a lifetime. I’m so thankful and blessed to live in the best city in the world! Now somebody get me a glass of wine it’s time to celebrate!”
Below this awful caption sit comments that fester like open wounds. “OMG LOVE,” “You’re a gorgeous young woman” (presumably from an aunt or parent), and simply “heart eye emoji, heart eye emoji, heart eye emoji.”
Above the overwrought, self-absorbed caption and the cringe-worthy comments from friends and relatives is a highly saturated, VSCO-edited photo of a city skyline with the girl or boy standing there like a doofus, his or her arms outstretched, beaming proudly because they finally did it. They moved somewhere and they’re paying rent and they’re drinking alcohol, toasting to the nights they’ll never remember with the friends they’ll never forget.
Doesn’t it just make you sick? Every time I see one of these, I groan heavily and find myself getting second-hand embarrassment. Can’t you people just shut the fuck up and live your lives?
Why do you have to post a picture like this? Minus the caption like the one I’ve described it would still be awful, but WITH the caption you become the corniest person on my feed and are probably getting unfollowed.
There is a common misconception on Instagram that other people give a shit about where you live and what you do for work. You know what the very last question I would ever ask a stranger at a party is? What they do for a living. I don’t ask that question because it’s lazy. It doesn’t define who that person is and it’s nearly as bad as asking someone what they majored in during college.
These captions about how long you’ve lived in some sprawling metropolis #adulting and drinking overpriced cocktails on rooftops are not only unoriginal, they’re also incredibly self-serving.
Instagram posts like the one I described above are put up to brag to your less fortunate friends back in whatever cow tipping, podunk rural atrocity you came from.
You can drunkenly yell to your Instagram or Snapchat followers at the top of your lungs inside of a nightclub about how you live in the greatest city in the world. You can wax poetic for a few paragraphs about how blessed you are to be living in such a gorgeous city that you can’t ever imagine leaving but anyone with a brain knows that it’s just a thinly veiled attempt at showing off.
Does your apartment building have a rooftop that you can go up to and grill on? Amazing. Better toss a picture of it up for all 500 of your followers so you can bask in the glory of 73 likes and four or five comments about how hard work really does pay off and how #summertimechi you are in your Lululemon joggers. You can post a picture of your redecorated apartment that you pay too much money for but it’s already been done.
Post pictures of garbage cans like I do in extremely poor quality. Be the ironic asshole you’ve always wanted to be. Post a picture of your food or even your stupid fucking dog. Just don’t post a generic shot of “your” cityscape with a 200-word essay about how lucky you are to live there. Nobody cares..
Image via Unsplash