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I love dogs. Big fan. They are endlessly loyal, sweet, a constant companion, and the best pet you could ask for. (Sorry cat people, you know it’s true). I get a kick out of seeing cute dogs on the street, browsing pictures of puppies on Instagram, and you already know I’ve got videos of military people being reunited with their dogs lined up for when I want to feel something. Dogs are amazing, and yet, somehow, the internet has managed to make them overrated.
Instead of just lovable pets, the internet has put dogs on a pedestal so high they’ve become a ridiculous caricature of themselves. Now, it’s not enough just to love dogs as pets, you must love them as people. Or more than people. “I’d rather watch a person die than a dog die.” “My dog is my fur baby.” “Elect the goodest boy for president.” These are all real things people say online, and they all make me, at worst, gag, and at best, questions our society.
I know that most of these things are merely said in the vacuum of the internet as a form of one-upping one another. I hope people don’t really think a dog’s life is worth more than a human’s, or that the Shih Tzu they carry around in a stroller (super weird) is actually their baby. But that’s the problem with the internet. It takes a good thing, and elevates it to the highest level of “good thing,” until it’s completely unattainable and also ruined.
Dogs are great pets. Let them be just that. They don’t have to be people. They don’t have to be “borkers” and “puppers.” We don’t have to have a Twitter account just for rating them all, especially when all of them are over the max rating limit. If you’re going to make a rating limit out of ten, you can’t put all candidates over ten! That just makes the rating system meaningless, and by default, devalues all of the ratings. Stop giving participation trophies to dogs. Sorry. I really hate those tweets.
The problem with the internet is that it’s never enough just to like something. You either have to like it more than anyone has ever liked it before, or not at all. The only thing the internet hates more than a dissenting opinion is a neutral one. You could probably find some sociopaths online that will welcome you with open arms to the “we hate dogs and they should all be exterminated club,” but god-forbid you don’t pick one of the polar extremes. You want to see people lose their minds online? Post something like “I like dogs, but I don’t like how much they shed. That’s why mine sleeps in the heated garage and isn’t allowed on the bed.” Let me tell you, it’ll get nasty.
Of course, this trend doesn’t just stop at dogs. The internet has ruined all good things. Much like Lenny from Of Mice and Men, when the internet loves something, it loves it too hard, and ends up killing it. Take, if you will, the common avocado. Pretty good, right? It can be made into a delicious guacamole. It can be eaten on toast, if you’d like. Hell, it can even spice up (not literally, because it’s hella bland) a salad or sandwich of your choosing. All around, a pretty solid, versatile food.
And then the internet got its claws on it. Now we have avocado milkshakes (gag), avocado face creams (gross), and even avocado proposals. That’s right, in the span of, like, two years, we went from “these green fruits are pretty good,” to “I love this alien-ballsack-looking produce so much I will literally stick a ring in it and use it to propose to the love of my life. It is that much a part of my identity. I would die for this bland fruit.” It’s too much, guys. You can like something without loving it. You can enjoy something without smothering it to death.
Bacon is great. It’s a tasty breakfast food that pairs well with eggs, burgers, and even sandwiches. Do I want it on a donut? Fuck no. Do I want it in my ice cream? Fuck no (looking at you Denny’s). Do I want it as my candle scent? You guessed it — fuck. no.
Chipotle. Beyonce. Pizza. Netflix. Wine. All great things. And all things that the internet has ruined. Things that you didn’t think could be made overrated have been, by raising the bar to be a fan so high that no normal human can match it. The internet makes us think we have to constantly one-up each other on how much we love something until it bleeds over into our real world and ruins that very thing we love.
So please, stop maniacally loving things just because the internet tells you to. It’s okay to love some dogs and not others. It’s okay to enjoy your dog as a pet, and not as a “13/10 best pupper to ever bork.” Don’t spend $13 on avocado toast. You know it’s not worth it. Don’t let the internet make great things overrated. .