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When we were younger and had free time to actually make connections with people, friendships were easy. We’d meet like-minded people in class, at bars, in our organizations and at the activities our parents paid for us to be a part of. We’d have something in common, like hating a professor or thinking the recruitment chair was a huge See You Next Tuesday, and alas, a friendship was born.
But now, as “real” adults, making friends has proven to a bit more of a challenge.
We graduated, moved away, got shitty jobs and did shitty things like sitting on the couch rewatching “The Office” over and over again in our free time. We’re too tired to do stuff, and we’re definitely too tired to make small talk with people we only sort of know. So, when you manage to mesh with someone, anyone, you have to cling on to them like there’s no one else to go to brunch with tomorrow.
That’s what I think is happening with my doctor.
Once I finally packed up my wheelchair after my ill-fated ankle break, I quickly realized that I didn’t know how to walk anymore. Thanks to avoiding any and all physical activity for four months, all of the muscles in my leg decided to peace the fuck out and I was left with a flab of worthless, atrophied muscle. If there was a zombie apocalypse, I was toast. Hell, if there was just a need for me to walk into the other room, I was toast. So, it became apparent that I needed to go to physical therapy like, twelve weeks ago.
And that’s where I met her. Jessica*.
I was shocked at how young she looked the first time I came to an appointment with her, but I assumed she just had a baby face. Considering I get confused for a 16-year-old often (and sometimes a chubby German boy, if I’m not wearing makeup), I chalked it up to genetics and the fact that, as a medical professional, she most likely lived a healthy lifestyle. During my visits, she’d move my foot around, make small talk, and was generally pleasant. Doctor pleasant.
Until one day I decided to actually talk to her. Maybe my introverted-self was craving some social interaction, or maybe I just felt like letting her talk about herself instead of listening to people complain about their pain. Whatever it was, the second I asked if she had any plans for the weekend, a floodgate opened.
We talked about things to do in Austin and our favorite places to go. We talked about our relationships, about moving across the country. She saw the (Deathly Hallows) tattoo behind my ear and admitted that she was a Harry Potter fan as well. From there we discussed our favorite characters, other favorite books, our career goals and personal goals. We’ve gotten into the hardships of living away from our families and the challenges of getting used to a new place. I’m one step away from bringing in a bottle of rosé and splitting it with her during our sessions, that’s how casual it’s gotten.
We talk like we’re friends every time I go in to see her, and now I’m wondering: Is my physical therapist trying to be my friend, or is she just doing her job?
It could go either way, really. These people literally have to be nice to us. They’re like strippers, but instead of turning us on in exchange for us throwing money at them, they move our body parts around in exchange for us, well, throwing money at them.
I’ve heard her talk to other patients, most of whom are old, and I have to say — she’s really fucking nice to everyone. She laughs at the dumb things they say and she makes small talk with them about their lives and their plans. BUT, and here’s the but, it just feels ~different~ with us.
And I being silly? Am I like that guy who thinks the strippers actually like him? Do I think my stripper actually likes me?
As someone who enjoys alone time and rarely seeks out other people to spend time with, it’s odd for me to connect with someone so quickly. It felt like friendship at first sight, but am I just reading too much into our relationship? Am I being nieve? She’s confided in me that, as most people who move to a new place for a job, she doesn’t have many friends to hang out with. Any friends, really.
Which means either she’s hinting that she wants to be friends and am considering having me be in her wedding someday, or I really need more hobbies in my life.
As I’m faced with seeing her multiple times each week, I can’t help but wonder — is she trying to be my friend, and if so, what do I do about that? Is it ethical? Do I have to ask her out? Will she be able to tell I absolutely don’t do all of the home exercises I’m supposed to do?
So, I guess my question is — can you or can’t you be friends with your stripper. Doctor! I mean, doctor? .
*Name has been changed so I don’t seem like a psycho. Or so I don’t seem *more* like a psycho, I guess.
Image via Fox Broadcasting
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Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
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I don’t know what you are talking about but strippers do like me.
My college roommate once told a stripper where we lived and of course the stripper lived two streets over. Guess who knocked on our door looking to hang out a few nights later…
I hope you guys had a 3-way with her.
Wait until the end of your physical therapy sessions to shoot your shot. That way you’ll avoid any potentially awkward appointments if your doctor decides to not take the budding friendship outside of work
Definitely this. Wait til your last session is wrapping up and ask if she wants to get brunch the following weekend.
I got a new dentist and eye doctor, a year ago. They’re both hot, like 30, and I thought they were flirting with me. Then I found out they both are married. Your doctor is just doing their job.
My dentist only employees young, ample chested women and has a “no scrubs policy”. When I first started going there I was ready for a sexual experience that none of my friends would believe. Now I just realize it’s genius customer retention and I’ve never had more dental work done in my life
Looking for a new dentist in Houston. Name?
my sister is 29 and a doctor and i always wonder if her patients try to hit on her. she currently works at the VA though so i guess that could go either way lol
They do
she said a lot of them think that she’s a nurse. or they ask her how old she is, then she says “old enough that i’m offended that you’re asking me that question” or something lol
There are many times I connect with patients and that’s part of what makes my career great. But it would be inappropriate for me to exchange contact information and hang out outside of work. It seems a little strange to me that she confides in you. If you ran into her outside o the office and somehow developed a friendship that way, its a little better, but there should always be a clearly defined boundary between patients and healthcare professionals.
Agree 100% with this. Learning about patients beyond their medical problems is definitely key in building a good patient-physician relationship (and one of the most rewarding parts about being a doctor is helping patients return to doing what they love outside the hospital), but it would be inappropriate to hang out with patients outside of a medical setting.
You were in a wheel chair for a broken ankle for 4 months… And you didn’t go to PT? I truly can’t wrap my head around the thought process there.
With that said, definitely be friends. Casually mention a wine bar (or really whatever other drinking/eating establishment y’all may both find enticing per your prior conversations) you really want to go to, but need someone to go with because you don’t have anyone interested in going with. She’ll either (a) opt in to go, (b) express an interest, in which case you can invite her, or (c) signal complete disinterest in hanging out with you by not doing (a) or (b). Good luck with the friendship.
CC @CrickWatsonMD
Considering you splurged on a wheelchair when you absolutely didn’t need one, it’s probably just a business decision on her part.
When my patients ask me about myself, it’s an absolute delight. It’s rightfully all about them but when you get it in return it’s very nice. Since she’s simply a PT, I don’t see a problem in following up with her when your treatment is over .
How much longer do you have therapy sessions? As far as I’m aware, medical professions typically refrain from personal relationships with their patients (platonic or otherwise) unless they had some kind of pre-exising relationship or another mutual connection. That said, it sounds like she may be interested in being friends.
My suggestion- wait until your therapy sessions are coming to a close before making a move. That way if you’re wrong, it’s not awkward for the remaining sessions. It also takes the burden off your PT who may want to be friends but will not make the first move or do so while you are their patient for ethical reasons.
My two cents as a counseling grad student (we find similar issues in our interactions with clients):
This sounds like an issue of dual-relationships. She’s your PT, but then she would be your friend. For any medical professionals out there: are there any situations where there would be conflicting interests between these two roles? Is there a power imbalance in place with their current interaction? Typically patient/therapist relationships are a one-way street. Real friendships are equal, so it might create new potential issues in a friendship.
But why it was so easy for you to strike up conversation with this lady on this day? What was it that made it easy to let your guard down and take a chance, and what’s stopping you from doing that again?
My two cents as a counselor:
Don’t use your counselor/therapist lens to view everyday situations. It’s exhausting.
But, seriously, while all medical professionals have to honor doctor-patient confidentiality, their form of confidentiality is not quite as limiting as ours is. We have an actual ethics code that explicitly prevents us from befriending our clients, unless X number of years have passed. As far as I know, other medical professionals don’t have this same limitation.
While it is not explicitly prohibited, it is implied and certainly frowned upon to cross the line of the healthcare provider/patient dynamic. With that said when I did my away rotation I met one of my few friends in that city when he was a patient in the clinic. Desperate times I suppose…
That apparently went way over your head – two totally different issues there. Dual-relationships is in Section A of the ACA Code of Ethics, Confidentiality & Privacy is in Section B. But thanks doc…
My point was that other medical professionals (as far as I know) don’t have as stringent of an ethics code as we do. No need to get all technical – nobody is grading you here. Jesus, chill out dude.