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Karl Welzein (@DadBoner) has been wheeling and dealing on the internet for years now. Karl’s ready to take it to the next level. Motivated by some corncob raising tens of thousands of dollars for potato salad (shoulda been Bratato Salad. Bold flavors), Captain Karl is ready to hit the road in a maxed-out ‘maro to search the country for babes, 24/7/365 open on Sundays. He’s launched an Indiegogo campaign to make his dream come true.
My roomie Dave said some know nothin’ corncobs made like a cool million for ‘tato salad on that Kickstarts crap. So stupid. Costs like 5 bucks. They probably didn’t even put brats in it. Idiots. Kickstarts is such a load. They let that ‘tato salad fly and took down my ‘Maro campaign.
Also saw a bunch of other crap on Kickstarts that nobody wants. NOBODY. So sad to see people beg for money to make garbage. That’s why I’m designin’ a ‘Maro for babes to crave, 24/7, 365, open on Sundays. This isn’t some crap idea for a snoozefest movie or a new banjo band album that can go straight in the trash. It’s for a ‘Maro. CUSTOM (Van Halen sticker).Fellas can enjoy it too, guy to guy. It’s for everyone from coast to coast. Captain Karl knows how to share. All are welcome to have a peep and enjoy with 110% satisfaction.
Basically, I’d be cruisin’ in this custom (Van Halen sticker) ‘Maro for babes, the USA, and more babes. Givin’ double middle freedom rockets out to idiots who think they’re better than you or me. Really lettin’ ’em know they can suck it. Especially my ex-wife, Ann.
Not sure if that amount’s enough, but any extra $$$ would go to make it rock even harder. Might have to hit up my main man Guy Fieri for primo tips on customizaish? Sky’s pretty much the limit when Guy starts pilin’ anything high with toppings. Could probably turn the whole trunk into a fridge for cold ones? So money. Man.
Guess I’m supposed to put down some risks here, so, “might get TOO many babes?” Ha!
United we rock, with the heat of a thousand suns, you guys.
-Karl “K-Money” Welzein
You’ve got my money, Karl.
To donate to the Indiegogo campaign, click HERE.