Crazy Woman Drop-Kicks A Cake At Kroger Because Adults Are Basically Just Grown Children With Jobs

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Have you ever been so mad at your local grocer you drop-kicked your custom-ordered birthday cake and then stomped on it just to teach them a lesson?

Probably not. “Nobody over the age of seven would do that,” you think to yourself. Well, you clearly haven’t met this absolutely psychotic woman from Bloomfield Township, Mich.

Bloomfield Township police are investigating an incident where a grown woman, frustrated with her custom birthday cake, drop-kicked it and then stomped on it as a means to voice her displeasure to the employees at the local Kroger.

From The Detroit Free Press:

The incident happened at about 2 p.m. Saturday, when the woman arrived to pick up a “Batman v. Superman” birthday cake from the bakery section of the Kroger on Telegraph Road, according to a news release.

Yet the woman, not named by police, “was not satisfied with the decoration on the cake, so she went behind the bakery counter in an attempt to fix it herself,” police said.

Employees, who could not have known what was to follow, told the woman she could not be behind the counter and had to step away. This only seemed to make her angrier. She carried the cake back around to the front of the counter, then “drop-kick(ed)” it, the Kroger manager told police.

“The action caused pieces of cake and frosting to be strewn about the bakery section of the store,” the news release added dryly. The woman also reportedly “stepped on (the cake) several times” and shouted an expletive while yelling, ‘They … ruined my 7-year-old’s birthday cake!’”

She then left the store quickly, “kicking over a wet floor sign on her way out,” the release said.

Two things: First, if you want a custom-ordered birthday cake done right, don’t go to the fucking Kroger. Go to your local baker, whose livelihood depends on making custom-ordered birthday cakes done correctly. I just Googled it and there are three bakeries around the township that probably would not have made the same mistakes as the folks at Kroger.

Second, what in the absolute hell was so wrong with the birthday cake that it deserved to be drop-kicked? The only instance I can imagine where I would be angry enough to destroy a cake was if the baker, instead of following my instructions, drew a lewd image of my parents engaging in sexual relations with really detailed frosting. Yeah, if that were the case, I *might* drop-kick the cake. I still don’t know if I would, because while stomping on it for a very legitimate reason, I would think to myself “man I am acting like a petulant child right now.”

Police have no plans to make any arrests, and Kroger does not have video surveillance of the incident, so no one will ever 100 percent know what was so wrong with the cake.

No word on whether or not the child’s birthday party was a success, but assuming it was entirely planned by his mother, chances are something went horribly wrong.

[via Detroit Free Press]

Image via YouTube

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