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Corinne’s nanny Raquel may be the most famous Bachelor persona to appear on camera for only 3 seconds. Last week, when Corinne revealed that Raquel is the world’s finest “cheese pasta” chef, second only to her world championship title in slicing cucumbers and keeping Corinne on a strict napping schedule. Following Corinne’s description of choreography as “planned dancing,” Bachelor Nation was left with the burning question: what IS “cheese pasta?”
Is it macaroni and cheese? Some kind of special homemade ravioli? Does Raquel have a secret gourmet homemade cheese sauce that she lovingly toils over using three different kinds of cheese and slow cooks for hours to infuse the compound butter flavors while Corinne has a hard day at work playing in Microsoft Paint?
Thanks to the woman, the myth, the trainwreck herself, we finally have the answer to the second most pressing question in Bachelor history (the first being what kind of blackmail Nick has on the producers that forced them to dump Luke last minute). Behold:
Raquel’s Famous Cheese Pasta Recipe
1. Boil pasta for 10 minutes (add some salt to water).
2. Strain out all water.
3. Add pasta back to pot, keeping it on low heat.
4. Add a lot of shredded cheese.
5. Mix until all the cheese melts.
(Side note: no salt with cheese.)
That’s literally it. For context, please recall that last week Corinne claimed, “I have tried many times to make cheese pasta, and I can’t make cheese pasta like her!”
I haven’t been this disappointed since ABC announced that Nick was going to be the Bachelor (you have to read carefully to pick up on my bitterness).
In case you’re incredulous that the self-described “multi-million dollar business owner” is unable to replicate a simple recipe that we’ve all been making since college while completely blackout, please recall that she has been known to refer to basic tasks such as feeding oneself, clothing oneself, and general personal care as “big girl stuff.”
All I have left to say about this is that if Raquel doesn’t go to Paradise and find love at first sight with Jorge the Bartender, I will riot.
#FreeRaquel.
Via Us Weekly
Image via YouTube
Respond
Quinn Truflais
Formerly known as Queen of The Garbage People. Functional title still stands. Dog owner, whiskey drinker, Star Wars fangirl. #DoingItForTheContent QuinnTruflais@gmail.com
@QuinnTruflais
Learn to make a goddamn roux, Raquel
Here is the superior cheese pasta recipe
1) Add salt to water, boil water, make pasta according to box directions (my preference for cheese pasta is to use rotini)
2) Drain pasta
3) Put pasta back in the pot or a bowl, whatever you want, I’m not your nanny
4) Add olive oil so that the pasta is coated with a light layer (this could be anywhere from 1 tsp-3 tbsps if you’re feeling fat)
5) Add salt to oiled pasta
6) Drown that pasta in cheese. Cheese mix preferrably combo of parmesan and mozzarella
7) Eat
8) Free Raquel
Raquel and Jorge could be the next Bachelor power couple
I like where your head’s at.
When you have a “platinum vagine,” you really don’t need to know how to cook.
I can tell this isn’t the best “cheese pasta” recipe out there because everyone knows pasta gets boiled for 8 minutes for proper al dente texture. I respect Raquel, I just expect her to clean up her act a bit before I can go advocating a Raquel/Jorge marriage
My college roommate told me she would make us homemade mac and cheese and pulled this exact stunt. 10 years later I’m still not over it.
I think I’m going to make this tonight to enjoy while I watch.