Completely Unsolicited Recommendations For Optimizing Your Life

Completely Unsolicited Recommendations On How To Optimize Your Life

I’m here again to offer you unsolicited advice on how to live your life. I don’t have the blueprint to maximizing your potential, but I firmly believe these items can help you get there. Your feedback is welcomed, and if you happen to try any of these for the first time, please let me know via email.


Are you even serious about optimizing your human if you don’t own a Vitamix? I had the balls to register for one when I got married, and many of you criticized me. But someone came through, and I’m chopping up whatever I can get my healthy little hands on. I could throw a pelvis in there if I wanted to, and I’m pretty sure it would mix and hit me with all sorts of bone marrow. Yes, it’s expensive, because this motherfucker mixes VITA. I’m sure the Ninja is comparable, but when you’re trying to stimulate your synapses, why risk it?


Why have you neglected to unlock your potential for so long? Honest question. I’m not saying you can’t sign up for ACORNS or analyze your 401k’s performance on a cup of coffee, but what if you complimented your cold brew buzz with a sidekick? What if? Life’s full of what ifs, and this one’s my favorite amino acid: L-Theanine. Take everything you think you know about coffee jitters, print it out, and then ball it up and throw it in your neighbor’s trashcan. I describe it as reining in a wild-ass caffeine buzz. It’d be like if Rick Carlisle had the Thunder’s old roster. You know, the one that Scott Brooks squandered. That roster should have won a title, much like your caffeine should fuel your day and not make you tweak. The science is real:

Combining L-theanine with caffeine, at levels and ratios equivalent to one to two cups of tea, eliminated the vasoconstrictive effect and behavioural effects of caffeine. This supports previous findings of an interaction between these substances, despite a lack of effects of L-theanine in isolation. However, at the levels tested here, this did not lead to a positive impact on behaviour.

Sure, nobody knows exactly what that last sentence means, but I’ve been taking this stuff for a couple years now and me likey. Can’t put a price on that. For more info, check this out.

Sam Harris

I’ve only recently gotten into Sam’s podcast, Waking Up, but I’ve always enjoyed his conversations with Joe Rogan. An intellectual by every definition, and no stranger to controversy, I like to pound cold brew on weekends and listen to this podcast. It’s a great way to trick yourself into thinking you’re doing something productive while really you’re just nodding along while watching golf.

Obscure jokes aside, Sam breaks down complex issues in a way that laypersons like you and I can comprehend. Or, at least in a way that doesn’t frustrate laypersons like you and me into getting mad and taking on our old, self-destructive ways.

Also, here’s a warning about Sam. He’s NOT a Trump guy. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a podcast where he doesn’t utterly dismantle every move this administration has made. You’ve been warned.


Much like our own, W.R. Bolen, Jocko is a New York Times Best Selling Author. He and fellow Navy SEAL Leif Babbin penned one the best leadership book I’ve ever had the privilege of reading. Extreme Ownership details the strategy and principles that allowed them complete some of the most absurdly difficult missions during the Battle of Ramadi. If you’re aspiring to move up the chain, or just be a better human, I can’t recommend it more. Oh, he has a podcast, too. I once listened to it on a Sunday evening flight home from a bachelor party, and it made me want to be less of a pussy. Whether that’s happened or not remains to be seen.

If you’re REALLY looking to crank this thing up a notch, hit him with that follow on Instagram. Every video he posts forces you to become a better person. The last thing you want to do is let Jocko down.


A post shared by Jocko Willink (@jockowillink) on

This is the voice I hear at 5 a.m. when my alarm goes off for the gym. I’ve somehow convinced myself that Jocko will find out if I skip the gym, and I can’t have that on my conscience.

Liv Langdon

You’re probably already following Onnit’s own Liv Langdon after her award-winning appearances on Touching Base, but if you’re not, hit her with the follow. Her bio says she’s a food manager, but she does so much more than manage food. Nutrition, recipes, and everything else you need to stop circling the drain of life. As you stuff your pathetic face with Big Montanas loaded down with Horsey Sauce, you’ll think of Liv and feel bad about yourself. How could you do that to her?


I’m watching every one of these press conferences start to finish. Even the hour of analysis beforehand with Paulie and Schaub. I’m in. Sold. Give those two a goddam podcast please.

PGP is a member of the Amazon Affiliate Program and may receive a commission on purchases.

Email this to a friend


Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

21 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More