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Let me take a moment to thank the founders of both of these companies and say from the bottom of my heart that I love you. You created something that was always there for me. When I was going through a breakup, there was the breakup burrito. When I was too hungover to use a fork, there was the shame burrito (double meat, please). However, now that I am a working man, I go for the tri-weekly lunch burrito. Luckily for me, there is a Moe’s and a Chipotle equidistance from my office. However, I have struggled with the ultimate question: which is better? Some might just want to call it a tie, but as a red-blooded American patriot, I don’t believe in ties. So, after years of painstaking research–and an extra 30 pounds–I have finally determined who the winner is. I have conjured up a highly scientific rating system, so may the best burrito win.
Affordability
Moes: 9/10. Moe’s is the ultimate underpaid postgrad lunch spot, especially on Monday. Monday is reserved for Moe’s Monday: $5.99 for a burrito, chips, and a drink. You cannot beat that. Also, chips and salsa are always included with your burrito.
Chipotle: 8/10. While still affordable, a looming price hike has dropped Chipotle down a couple points. Also, if you want chips and salsa, you better shell out some more dough.
Quality
Moe’s: 7/10. Inconsistent rice is one thing that dropped Moe’s down to average in this category. The food is very good quality, but it still needs something to bring it up over the top. The chicken is bland, but they do have good options you can infuse to spice up that chicken.
Chipotle: 10/10. What more is there to say about the quality of Chipotle food? Everything is flavorful and fresh–don’t even get me started on the barbacoa.
Quantity
Moe’s: 8/10. While Moe’s does offer large burritos, depending on your burrito stuffer, you can sometimes get only an average-sized burrito. I don’t do average. You do always get chips and salsa though.
Chipotle: 9/10. Obviously, we know that a burrito is the size of a small child. Flash a little wink at the girl working and you can get an extra quarter scoop of meat. However, there are no free chips, so that’s a point deduction.
Customer Service And Speed
Moe’s: 6/10. WELCOME TO MOE’S! Okay, I’m hungover and you need to STFU. None of the employees ever mean it either. It’s a loveless, cold welcome. They are speedy, but when you only have a 30-minute lunch, you need lightning speed.
Chipotle: 8/10. They have lighting quick burrito times, but sometimes they’re a little too impersonal. I do not always feel the love that goes into the burrito.
Selection
Moes: 8/10. Moe’s definitely wins this category. The Wrong Dougs might actually be better than the burritos. You also have multiple salsas at the salsa bar to choose from.
Chipotle: 5/10. Let’s be honest. There’s not much to choose from. While they do have a better meats selection, the rest is slacking. I don’t want to hear anything about the quesarito, either, because only douchebags order those.
Final scores:
Moe’s: 38/50.
Chipotle: 40/50.
While this one is really too close to call, Chipotle slightly edges out Moe’s. However, there is still a place for both of those in our society, and you will still find me at both.
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Respond
@WolfofSixForks
@alexqueen91
Incredibly disappointed that this column does not include a “bowel movement” category for scoring.
Anyone who prefers Moes to Chipotle is a fucking communist
If I could have Qdoba queso on a Chipotle burrito, I would be in heaven.
Chipotle wins in nearly every aspect except that Qdoba has Cholula. Chipotle needs Cholula… ideally spouting from the soda fountain… to drink.
Give me Moe’s and their queso over Chipotle any day of the week.
That’s my biggest fault with Chipotle: how does it make ANY sense to not have queso on the menu?
Let me ask you something…have you ever actually ORDERED a Quesarito? Because if you have, you’d probably be a much happier, less bitter human being. A good Quesarito is better than mediocre sex.
Seriously the least you could have done is a 3-way comparison with Qdoba, Chipotle, and Moe’s. Chipotle has more locations than Qdoba and Moe’s combined, but ignoring Qdoba while including Moe’s (fewer locations) is kind of a head scratcher.
This guy is from NC. Moe’s has far more locations in NC than Qdoba. Hence, why he included Moe’s in the comparison.
You’re all wrong. The answer is Barberitos.
*Turns away* *Covers eyes* *peeks*
I work in downtown Nashville and there is no Chipotle close unless you want to jump in your car and drive to midtown which is a pain in the ass. It is very sad….depressing… 🙁
I still fucking go though
What about Qdoba?
I’ve never even heard of Moe’s.