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When I say that I have absolutely nothing planned this weekend, I truly mean that. Outside of a Christmas party on Saturday night that I’m still very much on the fence about, my schedule is wide open and I’m going to keep it that way.
Please do not interpret this as an invitation for any of you to reach out to me with offers of “beers at a bar” or “laser tag at the mall.” I’m telling you that I have no plans in the hope that it remains this way. I don’t want to do a single solitary thing this weekend, which is why I’m going to embark on a journey to the grocery store either tonight or tomorrow night with a haul that will allow me to remain indoors, underneath my heated blanket with my blinds drawn for close to 48 whole hours.
I’m a simple man with simple tastes. I love cheese. Oftentimes, you can find me with a bowl of kettle corn. I’ll even break out some prosciutto if the mood strikes me. As for beverages this weekend I’m really not sure yet. I may go alcohol-free this weekend just to give the old liver a break, although I’m not completely sold on that. Perhaps a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
That’ll be a discussion for later on in the evening on Friday. Now, obviously, I’m going to have some Perrier with me. But I’d like to keep all of my options open. I don’t often drink soda, but when I do, I do it the classic way – Coca-Cola or get the fuck out of my face.
-1 bag XTRA Cheddar Goldfish
-1 box Original Club Crackers
-1 wheel brie cheese
-1 block Extra Sharp Cheddar
-Six count Act II Microwave popcorn (kettle)
-Package of prosciutto
-1 box Cracker Barrel White Cheddar Mac and Cheese
-1 bag Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
-1 box Cheez-It White Cheddar Grooves
-2 20 oz. Coca Cola Classics
-12 count extra large eggs
-1 jar JIF Creamy Peanut Butter
-1 tub Cafe Bustelo coffee
-5 count Garlic bagels
-4 Chobani S’mores Flips
-1 Home Run Inn Pepperoni Pizza (Frozen)
-Six 25-ounce Perrier (Original) Sparkling Water
Suggestions on how I could improve this list? I’ll consider any and all of them, although I really don’t see how you could possibly improve this. I’ve spent well over ten minutes curating this list and I can’t for the life of me think of anything else I’ll need for an entire weekend spent indoors without sunlight.
I have a few Netflix shows that I’ve been meaning to get to, but if it begins to snow outside I will abandon them all in favor of The Lord Of The Rings trilogy (director’s cut, obviously). There’s really no telling where this weekend will go. I might pull a Howard Hughes and just piss in empty milk jugs all weekend so I don’t have to walk the five feet from my room to the bathroom.
I can tell you I’ll have a cooler near me with Perrier on ice and wet naps for the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and Xtra Cheddar Goldfish. I know that people will frown upon me for calling all weekend plans off this early in the week, but I can tell you with confidence that this could be an all-time weekend for yours truly.
I hope you don’t need to get ahold of me, because my phone will be on ‘Do Not Disturb’ from the moment I get out of work on Friday until Monday morning. God bless every one of you. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Where’s the Egg Nog Duda?
Gonna have to second this I was equally as shocked
I’m surprised Mich Ultra didn’t make the list
Have you been under a rock since July?
What was the whole Michelob ultra ordeal? I have no clue
Duda had an extended shtick about drinking Ultra and then got tired of people sending him snaps of it
I was wondering where those articles went
It’s the athlete’s beer.
Apparently so
Personally I enjoy sticking dark chocolate chips inside of raspberries and popping those
Have you ever done that but with babybel cheese in the raspberries? Super worth it.
Fuck your metabolism for that list even being an option in your life…
Love this list, but honestly felt like I gained 5 lbs just reading it…
If you eat goldfish like everyone eats goldfish you might want to up that quantity.
It would appear I eat an unhealthy amount of goldfish
This makes sense to me.
Creamy peanut butter? FOH
Get yourself some apricot jam or apple jelly to go with that brie.
This looks a lot like my “I just got dumped” grocery list but without the alcohol.
More like a “I don’t want to take a dump for a week.” grocery list.
Excellent list but you gotta get a dip in there. At least melt some of the cheese on the list. Can’t do a winter weekend in without some kind of hot dip
skoal long cut
Needs more cheese.