When you spell a word so incorrectly that not even spellcheck knows what the hell you’re talking about. PGP.

Being sore from walking nine holes on Saturday. PGP.

Fantasizing about using your extension cord to choke out the bitch in finance that keeps requesting read receipts for every email. PGP.

Celebrated my 1-year anniversary with a phone interview in my car during lunch. PGP.

The security guard in my building that works overnight on the weekend is starting to get judgmental. PGP.

Only used one slice of bread on my sandwich. Not to cut costs. I only had one slice of bread. PGP.

Only using your business cards to register for free lunches at restaurants. PGP.

Getting called sir or ma’am by someone only a few years younger than you. #PGP

The only men that hit on me are old enough to be my father and creepy enough to be my uncle. PGP.

Please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me damn it. “Good morning!” PGP.

Spent over four hours today trying to figure out the Rubik’s Cube on the Google home page. PGP.

This is your captain speaking. It’s looking bad. Engine’s blown. She’s…*looks at co-pilot* going down. *whole plane in unison* I’M YELLIN’ TIMBER! PGP.