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You know, I actually felt good about my weekend. After attending a surprise 30th anniversary party on Friday before getting after some brunch mimosas and drinking by the water on Saturday, I woke up Sunday feeling refreshed with no real anxiety at all.
That is, until I saw videos from Sporting News of the New England Patriots after-party at Robert Kraft’s house after receiving their Super Bowl rings. All of a sudden, my friends weren’t enough and I craved being on a dance floor with a sweaty Tom Brady, Gronk, and Wiz Khalifa.
To be completely honest, I didn’t even know the name of Fetty Wap’s “Trap Queen” before I saw that video, and now I’m finding myself sitting at my desk listening to it on repeat. I’m asking myself, “Did I even have fun this weekend if I wasn’t sweating through my Tommy Bahama short sleeve button down like Gronk?”
It’s like, yeah, celebrating thirty years of marriage was great and all but after seeing 74-year-old Robert Kraft DJ’ing with Wiz Khalifa, I think even the happily married couple would feel a little FOMO.
So that being said, if anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be the dude scouring Nordstrom after work today for some new Tommy Bahama linen shirts that I can sweat through for the duration of July. Now I just need to figure out how to get a Super Bowl ring to accessorize them with.
[via Sporting News]
Image via Shutterstock
People with salaries somewhere in the ballpark 1,000 times as much as mine (disclaimer: I’m drunk and this number may be terribly wrong) have more fun than me on the weekend?
No fucking way.