Everyone knows that when it comes time for brunch, eggs benedict is the gold standard. It’s always been considered a top brunch food. Despite a disturbing revelation from my boy Anthony Bourdain, Eggs Benny has always been my go-to when the menu is either too overwhelming or I just want to go with a safe pick. But what about those times when you’re feeling saucy? When you want to throw caution to the wind and not order what I refer to as the Cadillac of brunch options? Here are some of my favorites that you are inevitably going to tell me are terrible picks.
Chicken And Waffles
I thought about keeping chicken and waffles off of this list because they have seen a little bit of publicity lately. Chicken and waffles are trending right now, and I see more restaurants offering the dish every time I’m yelping in bed. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention them because fried chicken and waffles is a fantastic meal. It’s one of the most filling things you can order at any restaurant and it’s an excellent base when you’re trying to get your swerve on. Savory and sweet is a classic, but my only issue with this dish is that everyone at your table asks you for a bite. Just remember that it is okay to say no.
Me personally? I think pancakes are slightly overrated. I just prefer waffles. I’ll admit to having a craving for blueberry pancakes now and again, but anything you can put in or on a pancake you can put on a waffle and it’s going to taste better. I don’t know if it’s the texture or what. Waffle’s are just the superior food.
Other people like them, though, and I hate to criticize anyone for liking something that’s been an American staple since, well, probably the founding of the country. I’ll also throw crepes into this category as they are delicious. Crepes are the skinnier cousin of pancakes, and you’ll be the trendiest motherfucker at the table if you decide to order them.
Before you jump down my throat, just think about how good an over-easy egg is. I know you can make them at home just as good as the fry-cook in the back did, and I know that you’re going to pay triple what it would cost to eat them inside of a restaurant instead of on your couch with the tv on low-volume. But there are times when only a classic dish will do. When your head is pounding, your mind is racing thinking about the text messages you errantly sent last night, and your stomach is rumbling. It doesn’t get any more classic than two eggs over-easy with some toast, a side of hashbrowns, and a piping hot cup of coffee to pair with that bloody mary you’re choking down. If nothing else, the banality of the over-easy egg and hashbrowns with a little hot sauce and ketchup will sooth your stomach. This is the dish to order when you’re too hungover to eat anything crazy but you don’t want to be the drunkest person at your table because you decided not to order anything.
As a Texas transplant, I was unaware of the power that the breakfast taco holds over people in this fine state. You want to talk about an all-out war? Mention in passing to a Texan that the bagel is a better vehicle for eggs than a taco is. You might get slapped in the face. While I don’t agree that breakfast tacos are better than bagels, I can absolutely get down with two or three whilst sipping a mimosa. Breakfast tacos are dank as fuck, I just never really ate them when I lived up north. I like a southwestern style breakfast taco with salsa and chorizo, but you can literally put anything in them and they’re going to be good.
Bagel With Lox, Salmon, And Cream Cheese
I know that fish is not a common breakfast food for most people who aren’t of the Jewish faith or aren’t friends with anyone who is. But if you’re just not in the mood for eggs of any variety and you still want something filling, I would highly recommend a bagel slathered with cream cheese and salmon. Toss a few capers and red onions on there for some added pizzazz and you’ve got yourself a meal that is not only filling, but also portable when you have to go up to the bar to order your next drink because the waitress is too swamped to notice your glass is empty.
Yogurt or Oatmeal
Come on. You’re not a 65-year-old ordering off the discounted menu. You order yogurt or oatmeal at the brunch function and I’m definitely not tagging you in the group Instagram pic we just took..