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7. “Her”
We are attached to our mobile devices. The bossman expects you to respond immediately to his email sent at 9:30 p.m. on a Wednesday. Falling in love with your phone is just a classic case of being overworked, and going off the deep end due to exhaustion is a very forgivable offense. No foul here.
6. “Gravity”
Everyone has been tempted pull a Costanza under his or her desk and doze off. Maybe you overdid it at Thursday pub trivia, or maybe your space shuttle was completely destroyed by debris. We’ve all been there. Falling asleep on the job, while frowned upon, is not an automatic canning. It will certainly come up in your performance review, but you live to hate your life another day.
5. “American Hustle”
Amy Adams’s side cleavage is a sexual harassment landmine. The office might enjoy the view for a couple of weeks before management realizes a neckline that plunges like the Mariana Trench isn’t worth it. A talking to suffices–a long, stern warning to somewhere about 10 inches below the nose.
4. “The Wolf Of Wall Street”
You thought this one had to be higher, right? Wildly inappropriate team building exercises (pour one out for Tyrion) and criminal activity aside, most of the movie takes place in an office. Glorious places like Stratton Oakmont existed. Fiscal irresponsibility could lead to your demise. Referring to $100 bills as “fun coupons” has to kill the gross margin on all your deliverables. You are employed for a while, but eventually finance will realize the company is better off without shelling out thousands for blue chips.
3. “Dallas Buyers Club”
Alright, alright, alright. You get one time out of the year to make any changes to your healthcare benefits. Do you think HR appreciates you going rogue to obtain cheaper, South of the border medication? Hell no. They provided you with three indecipherable options that you will never use. You’ve crossed a line here, pal. Depending on how much of your boss’ work you do, you might not see next Monday.
2. “The Lego Movie”
This movie is all about how disregarding the instructions allows people to use their creativity and to work together. How long do you think you will last when you screw up the inefficient workflow President Business took the time to build? He didn’t work his way to the top by playing nice in the sandbox; he got there by getting other departments to eat the bigger shit sandwich. Pack up your coffee mug and fake plant–you’re outta here.
1. “12 Years A Slave”
Yeah, I’m not touching this, but it has to number one.
Respond
Seriously, I’m thinking about buying PGP so I don’t have to read these terrible articles anymore.
Grammar isn’t your strong suite is it?
suite?
Neither is writing ability. Seriously, how much longer did the “author” spend googling pictures than they did cranking out the 30 total words this “article” finis itself of.
I thought this sight was making an effort to not be buzzfeed 2.0
sight?
Goddamit I just made an ass of myself. I never claimed to be a professional writer, and I’ll chalk that up to autocorrect.
Nevertheless, my point stands. And shitty grammar aside, I’ll bet the 15 seconds I spent writing my reply was about equal to the amount of time writing this garbage.
Seriously pgp, can you start being a little more selective on your columnists, or at the very least have a minimum length in your columns of more than 50 words? Am I asking too much?