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Our opinion of the sick day has evolved as we’ve grown up. When we were kids, a sick day was a blessing. A gift. We got to sleep in, stay home from school, and hang out in our pajamas all day, watching movies and being pampered by our moms. There was no stress, no feeling of missing out. It was awesome.
As an adult, the sick days of the past are gone. Instead of something to look forward too, it’s now something we dread. Being sick, our options are either to suffer through work hoping our boss finds it impressive, or, more likely, stay home because our boss knows we’re not important enough to risk getting the whole office sick for. Instead of a day of relaxation, we get to stress about deadlines we’re going to have to make up and the PTO we had to burn against our will. Our moms aren’t there to comfort us, and our significant other isn’t even going near us because “they cannot be sick for their presentation on Monday.” Basically, sick days suck now. One thing hasn’t changed, however, and that’s our desire to sit in bed and watch movies all day.
Making the most out of a sick day means making the least out of a sick day. You shouldn’t be trying to catch up on errands, clean the house, or “sweat out the cold” at the gym like a psycho. Embrace the sick day. Be a sloth. Get your coziest blanket, some hot tea, park yourself on the couch and put on a movie. But which movie? Even with all the tools of Netflix, HBO, Hulu, and cable at your fingertips, finding a movie can be impossible. Do you put on a drama? A documentary? Something to make you laugh, or something to make you cry? Maybe a kid’s movie? Or a classic action flick? There are too many options to choose from, so I’m here to make the choice for you. You want a bad movie.
I’m not talking about a shitty, poor production quality film. I mean the worst, dumbest, simplest movie available. I’m talking about something that entertains and delights, but doesn’t make you think, ponder, or worst of all, learn. I’m talking about something with Jason Statham in it.
I can already hear you all disagreeing in the comments, so I’m going to take this time to preemptively attack all of your arguments. For those of you clamoring “documentary,” shut the fuck up. What do documentaries do? They make you sad, and they make you think. Fuck that noise. When your nose is already raw from blowing and your mind is slow off that Robitussin, the last thing you need to do is watch something that will make you cry and/or use your brain. The one exception is Planet Earth, or any other nature show. If you can watch it without using a single brain cell, it’s perfect.
Drama lovers, stand up. Now sit down. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m healthy, this is my number one genre on Netflix. But if you think I can follow the plot of Reservoir Dogs when I’m half asleep and popping NyQuil like it’s candy, you’re nuts. Dramas, once again, offer way too much feeling and thinking. Nope.
I can see why people would enjoy comedies, but to me, that’s just not the move. Although I like the idea of anything making me feel better in my death-like state, I’m also just not a fan of watching comedies by myself. Laughing and sharing the jokes with others is most of the fun, and the last thing I want to do when I’m sick is be around anyone else. Plus, laughter hurts my throat, which WebMD tells me is because I have a rare disease found in South American jungles.
So what’s left? You guessed it. Bad action movies. And I’m talking bad action movies. Transformers. Wanted. That new one where Matt Damon fights off demons on the great wall of China? I’m not sure what it’s called, but I watched it last night, and let me tell you, I was thoroughly entertained. Did I fall asleep for about 20 minutes in the middle? Absolutely. Did it make a difference on my enjoyment or understanding of the plotline? Not even a little. Any movie with super slow motion, gory battle scenes, and a complete rejection of the laws of physics – I’m in. Any movie with multiple storylines or characters whose names I have to know and remember – I’m out.
Basically, you just need a film that thoroughly entrances you when you’re watching it, but doesn’t make you feel like you need to necessarily watch all of it, or be awake for it. I know that seems like a thin line, but there are so many movies that fit. Let me hit you with some suggestions, off the top of my head. The Kingsman series. The Mummy series (they actually have a decent plot, but you’ve seen it so many times you know it already), The National Treasure series. Never Back Down. That movie where a robot plane goes rogue and I wanna say Jessica Biel has to shoot it down? Stealth. God, that’s a good bad movie.
So, next time you’re sick and need a movie suggestion, heed my words. Or just tweet at me for my picks. I’m home sick today and have all the time in the world. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
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Not sure what you mean by calling the Kingsman movies “shitty action”. They’re great
I put movies like Kingsman in the “cool to look at” category. Lets be honest they’re not much more than that but they serve that purpose fantastically
I feel like ‘Kingsman’ people saw that Bond movies were getting slightly boring at parts so they were like, “Alright, let’s take it up a notch and make the most absurd movies we can think of.” And I’m here for it. LOVE Kingsman.
Church scene w/ Free Bird is the most infinitely rewatchable scene of any movie that’s come out in the last decade.
“Give me a far fetched theatrical plot and a twisted megalomaniac any day” They’re reminiscent of the older days of spy movies, like the original Bonds or any of the Flint films. They aren’t supposed to be a realistic, action packed spy movies, that’s why we have Jason Bourne. They’re just supposed to be fantastical and cool, and they do a great job.
Samual L’s character even comes right out says he loves the old bond films in the dialog near the end.
That’s the problem with Kingsman though. The more slow paced parts of the Bond movies are what make the actions sequences so exciting. Except for Pierce Brosnan Bonds, those are just trash.
Exactly. Entertaining but not by any means a smart/award winning movie.
You might say they’re…awesomely good movies?
Kingsman movies are awesome. They might fit your criteria of easy to watch but I refuse to label them as bad movies. That church scene was epic and I can’t wait for the third one.
Should have read the comments, glad I don’t stand alone on this.
I LOVE over-the-top, hokey action movies. The new xXx with Vin Diesel? He literally skis down a jungle mountain before engaging in a motor cycle chase across the ocean and then summons Ice Cube to save the day. So bad yet so good.
took two sick days last week, coincidentally watched both Kingsman and a Jason Statham movie. I’ve been begging for a good cold for a while so I could take a day off guilt free, tea and crappy movies were abundant.
I went with Independence Day when I was younger and stick with it today. Definitely works wonders
So basically the exact same strategy of a post last call movie while you succumb to drunchies?
Wonder what kind of videos Casting Couch watches when he is home sick?
These arent bad movies by any means but my go to sick movies are training day and safe house
Shitty action movies are the best
Not sure why you are saying these are bad movies but I 100% agree that watch Jason Statham smack people around with a fire-hose is a surefire way to feel better.