If you’re a lazy fat fuck like me, you know that the worst thing in the world to do on a lazy Sunday of Football or otherwise is to make the trip between the couch and the kitchen for snacks or beer. Back and forth, back and forth, take chips, make nachos, back to the couch, get up to get a beer, back to the couch, get up to take a piece of fruit or vegetables to be healthy, back to the couch, realize that being healthy is for pussies, back to the couch. It’s maddening, isn’t it? Won’t someone finally streamline the process and make it easier for us?
Well, someone has finally answered your prayers. A bunch of Australian engineering students from the University of New South Wales have designed a robotic couch that can drive your fat ass around your apartment (or “flat” as those quaint Aussies call it) so you don’t even have to get up to get yourself another leftover pork chop, you fat fuck.
The “Robocouch” features a custom-built steel chassis with “Mecanum wheels”, and can reach speeds of up to 9.3 miles per hour, weighs 220 pounds and costs a mere $2,800 to put together. I added non-metric numbers for you, you’re welcome America.
The inventors think that this invention might be a hit and could possibly be a major commercial product:
“The couch fits quite nicely down corridors and in lifts, so if we can fit it out with different sensors to map indoor areas, then it could potentially navigate from one place to another, and not crash into things along the route,” said Steph McArthur, one of the engineers behind the project.
My favorite part of this is that it’s controlled with what is essentially a USB-enabled video game controller. This could be VERY dangerous though. If you accidentally mix up the controller for your “Robocouch” with the one you were trying to use for “Mario Kart 8,” you’re going right out the fucking window. Better invest in some brakes.