An Idiot’s Attempt At Making New Friends

An Idiot's Attempt At Making New Friends

For the record, I’m not a complete loser. I’m in four group texts, so it’s safe to say I’m pretty fucking popular tbh. I moved to Nashville not really knowing anyone three years ago and left all my friends I had ever known in my home state of Alabama. I made friends in my new town through my roommates, and times were good. Beer was drank, late night food was devoured, and terrible decisions were made. However, I made the mistake of not diversifying my friend portfolio, and now I’m paying for it.

Almost all of the friends I’ve made here in Nashville are doing different things with their lives now. Getting married, having kids, moving in with serious girlfriends, or just doing too much heroin for my personal preference. I support all of them moving on and doing different things with their lives, especially the heroin. We all still hang out of course, but you’re not exactly going to go out and crush it at the bars with a married guy who has a kid on the way.

This brings me to my current predicament. I need some new fucking friends.

Currently it’s me, my friend we’ll call James (Dude looks just like James Corden. It’s unreal), and another one of our friends we’ll call Emily. That’s the three single amigos left in our crew. You need more than that to go out on the town and have a good time. More importantly, my friend James is a terrible wingman, and that’s bad news for me. Going up to talk to girls solo is one of the most challenging feats known to man. 9/10 times you’re failing because it looks like you’re a loser with no friends, which I am so that opinion checks out.

The problem is I’m not too sure how to go about making new friends. The majority of the people I work with are women, and while we’ve become friends, heading out as the solo guy in a group of girls is not the best look when done continuously. Do I join a Nashville sports rec league like kickball? I would say this is the move, but I don’t think me doing anything that requires a shred of athletic ability around new people is going to be a good look. Maybe hold a sign up on the side of the road that says, “Wanted: Friendship for guy whose friends have become lame.” I’m open to any and all suggestions from you.

I’m one hundo p convinced that making friends is infinitely harder than attempting to date someone. In dating, your intentions are fully on the table. You meet someone of the opposite sex – or the same sex it’s 2017 – and you strike up a conversation and eventually ask for their number. There’s an understood progression for how things should go with pursuing someone you’re interested in dating. This does not exist for making new friends, which can make navigating those waters extremely difficult, and awkward.

You can’t really walk up to a guy you want to be friends with and say “Hey, man, you seem pretty cool. Can I get your number and maybe we start hanging out on a regular basis?” And then there’s the awkwardness of trying to insert yourself into an already established friend group. Carving out a place for yourself in a group of friends that have known each other forever is not an easy feat. I could go on and on about the awkwardness of it all.

After having this problem for the past 6 months or so, and not taking any action to really do anything about it, I’ve decided it’s time to sack up and put myself out there. I have no clue how I’m going to make new friends, or even if I’ll even be able to succeed, but by God I’m going to make the effort. Maybe I’ll fail and get some kick ass lonely guy hobbies like making pottery, or get really into some Claymation skits and upload them to my YouTube channel that will have 3 bots and my mom following it. The possibilities are endless, and you can read all about them here because I love putting embarrassing shit on the internet where it’s permanent.

I’m going to make finding new friends a priority in the coming months and see how much awkwardness I can stand until I have a mental breakdown.

You’re probably asking yourself the following question after reading this: “Dude, why are you blogging about being a huge loser and not having any friends?” The answer is simple – Do it for the content.

Image Via: Nik MacMillan

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Walton Dalton

Favorite spot was the Waffle House.

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