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My youngest brother went away to college on Wednesday. The day came faster than we expected it to, and it left a lot of us in a whirlwind. Where does the time go? It feels like just yesterday that this kid was nervous about trying out for his middle school basketball team and, all of the sudden, he’s all bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to start the next chapter of his life.
It’s kind of poetic, if you think about it. He’s about to start up on the best years of his life, and I’m slowly starting to realize that, well, this is kind of it for me. Sure, there will be vacations and amazing nights and weddings and life changing events, but at the end of the day, I’m working from here on out. There are bills to be paid and responsibilities to be had. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but swallow it you must.
I still remember how I felt when I first moved into my dorm. It was like anything was possible, like I could conquer the world. That’s not to say that my outlook on the world is cynical or depressed now, just more realistic. If I plan on having a worry-free lifestyle when I get older, I’m going to have to make some sacrifices now.
But what if I didn’t? It’s a question I think about sometimes when I’m on my way to work. It’s not that I don’t like my job, I just wonder how the other side. And when I do think about this, these are the jobs I consider pursuing.
Owner and chef of a bougie, yet simple, restaurant.
For some reason or another, all the trendy restaurants in Chicago right now consist of some kind of food your mom made for you as a kid, combined with either craft cocktails or craft beer. For example, reviews will say things like, “Your Name Here is Charlie’s new restaurant where you can get Asian fusion hot dogs and they also have 45 different beers on tap.” Ridiculous? Yes. But it would also be ridiculously fun.
Speedboat rental guy on a lake in Northern Michigan.
When I was growing up, my family would spend a week every summer on the same lake up in the northern part of the lower peninsula of Michigan. We’d go the same week, in the same cabin, with the same neighbors, every year. And every year, we would rent a boat (we didn’t own one because, honestly, we wouldn’t have used it). I’ll tell you, the guys that worked the docks up there were always chill as fuck. Sure, maybe they were high all the time, but at that point who cares? All you’re doing is helping some vacationers have a dope time on a lake. I’m about it.
Post-war, this motherfucker went to Cuba, consistently smoked cigars and drank, went on a shit load of adventures, and won a god damn Nobel Prize. At this point in time, I’m pretty sure I’m capable of three of those things. I’ll let you figure out which ones.
Whatever the hell Xander Cage was.
Stunt man? Extreme sports athlete? Criminal? I’ve never been sure what this guy’s job was. At some point someone offered him a videogame deal, though, so he must have been pretty dope. Point is, Xander Cage (of XXX fame) was consistently a bad ass, whether he was stealing Corvettes or literally using a silver platter as a skateboard. I can’t do a lot of that stuff now, but I can snowboard. If you give me 6 months of completely uninterrupted training time, I’m willing to bet I’d be enough of an adrenaline junkie to pull that shit off too.
Truth be told, I don’t know how I would get to this level. I’m sure I would have to come into money at some point, or maybe just get really good at Instagram. Either way, I think I would kill it as a socialite. Go Dan Humphrey on these suckers. Give them all a case of the real real. Sure, I would dress better, maybe own some dress clothes or a suit, but I would dress down every occasion I attended. It would be magnificent, a lifetime of making people frustrated by slouching into important social situations and being better liked than them.
What a life it would be. .