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This afternoon, we gather here to chill, relax, mentally clock out, power down, take her easy and look forward to a weekend of not working.
Sup. Just took a chill pill. Before you freak out, I’m prescribed. Not like “middle-aged housewife who needs Xanax to tolerate life and has a shady doctor” prescribed. More like “late-twenties dude who’s been suffering from panic disorder for a shade under a decade” prescribed. I’m not some pill-popping animal that gets barred out, forgets who he is and breaks into houses. That’s not how Bill rolls.
That being said, I was feeling a little tense this afternoon, so now I have some Alprazolam doing its dance in my tum-tum, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to share the relaxing vibes with my internet family. You know, people helping people.
First off, everything is going to be okay. If you don’t believe me, just watch this video of the Kuroshio Sea within Ocean Expo Park in Okinawa, Japan.
That soothing song you just took in through the ears is “Please Don’t Go” by Barcelona, and the video was made by Jon Rawlinson, who I assume is extremely chill. Tell me all your worries didn’t float away watching those beautiful sea beasts majestically swimming through that 1,981,290 gallon tank. I don’t believe you. I’m so relaxed I could fall asleep sitting up like your grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner. Might as well already be sprawled out on my couch, New Weekender Sweats from Outdoor Voices (the most comfortable pants ever made, shout out to Will “The Sock” deFries) on, Topo Chicho in hand, just enjoying the fuck out of nothing and everything at the same time.
Time to follow that up with a little Imogen Heap and really get in the zone.
No idea what the hell that video is about, but I do know life is beautiful and you’re capable of accomplishing anything you put your mind to. You are one with the universe. You are one with the universe. You are one with the universe.
What do you have going on this weekend? Big plans, or are you just gonna take her easy? Let us know in the comments section below. Either way, I hope it’s a good one..
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Ross Bolen
Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
@WRBolen
@WRBolen
WRBolen
Shit. This is a HOT column. Took a hangover nap in the food court across the street from my office today.
That is incredibly innovative or insanely depressing or both and no matter what I salute you.
Well I can’t just Costanza it at my desk so ya boy went across the street and plopped his shameful ass in a plush lounge chair for some quick R&R.
Do you set an alarm, or what? I’d be too scared that I wouldn’t wake up until like 7pm
No, I trust my body to wake me up at the right time. Like to live on the wild side. Then again, I was an hour late to the office today so maybe I should go with an alarm after happy hours.
I’d be worried about having my boss walk across the street for lunch and seeing me there.
You know, Ross, you’re alright.
Forever indebted to you for changing my life with these cloud pants, Sock.
Keep doin’ you, Bill. Riding this chill vibe all the way home.
I started the Imogen Heap video and this gif just matches up perfectly
STILL HOPPED THE FUCK UP ON COFFEE FROM THIS MORNING PROBABLY GOING TO HIT H TOWN HARD TONIGHT AND GO GOLF ON SUNDAY
-BIMBO COLES
Go Rockets. James Harden for MVP. Eric Gordon for Sixth Man Of The Year. Mike D’Antoni for Coach Of The Year. Sam Dekker for POTUS.
Last time I went to a Rockets game, I got a Moochie Norris bobblehead
Where do you usually golf in the 713?
ALL OVER TOWN. CYPRESSWOOD, EAGLE POINTE, WOODLANDS, GCOH, ECT
Cypresswood has to be one of the best valued courses in town
Asking this girl out who is well out of my league. Confidence flowing from the coffee thoughts and now you got me relaxed as fuck and right in the sweet spot. Going to close hard on getting that date.
Shoot straight, shooter. Just did the same thing with the busty optometry apprentice who sized me up for my referbished ray-ban ‘scrips. Secured a Monday coffee date, dropped a bizzycard to give her my digits and swag walked out.
Atta boy. The business card is a power move. Props
Good luck man, right there with ya
Pumped that aquarium video through the speakers on the drive home. Let like 8 different people merge in front of me.
Now you’re spreading the vibes to other people. That’s a win.
Cabin weekend with the squad. About to head to the store for breakfast casserole ingredients and hit the road.
wow this was much needed. just got my Q1 (retail fiscal calendar is weird) goal and had to go cry in starbucks for a couple minutes. you’re an alright guy, Bolen.
“Baby don’t cry, I hope you got your head up. Even when the road is hard, never give up.” -Pac
That aquarium video is going to be a Sunday night staple.
I’d need a xanny if I ever dropped a hundred beans on sweatpants
I almost want to buy you a pair just to call you a fucking idiot.
So Billy, fill me on their 31 inch inseam. I’m interested, but your boy is 6’4″ so I’m not sure how that’s gonna work. All for the tapered look, but preferably not by my knees.
Your junk doesn’t know what it’s missing. You get what you pay for.