======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
We hear it echoed within the songs we listen to, the movies we watch, and the advice our friends give us — timing is crucial when it comes to romantic relationships. Maybe you resonate with the title of this piece because you’ve been through what I’d argue to be the worst kind of love: falling for the right person at the wrong time. Of course, everyone likes to imagine that timing wont affect meeting the perfect person simply because fate will defy all obstacles. And maybe, if you’re incredibly lucky, you’re right. But unfortunately, it doesn’t pan out that way most of the time. A lot of times, this kind of love is reciprocal but transient.
The reasons can vary: Maybe someone got out of a toxic relationship and needed time to heal, maybe someone started a new job and didn’t have time to dedicate to a new partnership, or maybe someone was planning to move across the country when you met. Regardless of the reason, there’s already an expiration date. We’re left with that internal dialogue of, “If only I met this person back when ______,” or, “If only our paths crossed a year from now when ______.”
So, what’s next? What is one to do when we feel like the perfect person has appeared and yet something is keeping us from being with them?
Roughly five years ago, I met someone with whom things immediately felt at ease. The connection, although not instant, was a strong one. He had a cool job as a captain for private planes, an incredible heart for others, and an infectious sense of humor. To this day, I still have absolutely nothing bad to say about him other than it just didn’t work with us. It’s so rare as adults to find someone who really understands your mind and soul, but he did. With that said, I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t the one. Logic wasn’t on my side since he was dubbed as “perfect for me” (my friends’ words). But, as the title suggests, the timing wasn’t right — I was about to move 2,000 miles across the country from Tennessee to California. I know, a poor excuse for not dating someone who literally flies planes for a living, but I knew that I needed this journey for myself and that I needed to be single for it. I’ve always held the belief that it’s bullshit to try and “find your other half” simply because I didn’t ever want to see myself as a “half” to begin with. I want to be a whole, independent, fully-functioning person who also finds another whole, regardless of how long they take to find. I want my future relationship’s total to be 200%, not a combination of two people at 50%.
When I met this guy, I wasn’t there. And that’s okay. Just like it wasn’t my job to compromise my personal growth to make things work, it wasn’t his job to wait on me. After a long time, we mutually agreed that a finite goodbye would be best for the both of us.
Maybe you’ve been in a similar boat of bad-timing, or possibly you’re even going through that right now. To you, I empathize. It’s a strange breed of heartbreak to say goodbye to someone with whom a relationship never had the chance to reach its full potential. As hard as ending this relationship was for me, I find solace in this one hard truth: The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.
It was not time that ended my relationship with the pilot. It was not the 2,000-mile space between us. It was me. I was the one who decided.
Although I don’t know who it is yet, I do believe that the right person will be timeless… because great love is timeless. When I meet my future partner, I want to see them for their heart, their mind, and their soul — not a physical manifestation of what my friends dub as “perfect for me.” When I find the right person, I won’t wonder if that moment makes for convenient timing. It just will be..
Respond
KatieCallaway
Katie is 27 and is from Nashville, TN but lives in Los Angeles, CA as an actress, comedian, writer, and marketing manager. Although some might disagree, she likely peaked when she had dinner with Randy Jackson and he called her “dude” a lot. You can see her active on the Twitterverse at @KECallaway or you can also follow her new Insta at @KatieCallaway even though she hates Instagram.
@kecallaway
@katiecallaway
I actually relate to this. I liked this girl a lot, maybe still do to some extent, but we were always doing different things in life yet always cared about each other. I moved states, she got a boyfriend, I moved back, she moved to some shithole country, I got a girlfriend, she moved back and got a boyfriend, I dumped mine, then got another girlfriend (current one and I love her), she dumped hers. Then she starts hitting me up cause she is lonely and my thought…. not today satan you had your chance lol.
Right person Wrong time is the cocaine of relationships
Losing out on someone special because you still have to focus on personal growth hurts like a bitch. I’m still not all there yet and so it’s still unfair of me to try and be with someone who’s ready to be serious. Maybe I’ll figure it out when Nobody Likes Me In My Mid Thirties
It definitely sucked for me, but you’re doing the right & selfless thing. 🙂 Ya can’t get stronger without being a little sore first. The strength is in the struggle. Keep on keepin’ on.
With my wife, we first met on OKCupid in the fall of 2014. Hit it off but she said she wanted to be friends and said she wasn’t sure what she wanted.
I took a leap of faith a few months later and I saw her profile on POF and messaged her and the rest is history. When we met I was at a rebounding point in my life, not my best time. My mom had just survived cervical and breast cancer, I was on the rebound after losing a decent job, and Megan came into my life at a time where I was just trying to get my shit together. And in November it’s two years married.
I’m going to disagree with the “The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person” take. If you or the other person can’t find a way or find the drive to make it work, it was more than likely the wrong person from the get-go.
sounds like you DO agree
Nah, because I don’t believe in ‘right person at the wrong time’ like this article is based around. If you’re not willing to make it work or play it out and you just give up because it’s easy to do that, then clearly you didn’t think the other person was the right person to go out on a limb for (and the other way around).
It just sounds like Katie was leaning at this guy was definitely the right one…timing just sucked. If it was the right one, make it work. You feel?
I think you missed the end of the article
My boyfriend and I met two years before we started dating, went on a truly disastrous first date, and then resolved to be friends despite our mutual affection/attraction. We had both just moved to a new city for our first post-grad jobs, and it just didn’t make sense for us to jump into any kind of relationship.
Fast forward through two years of close friendship, us both dating other people, and lots of ups and downs, and we finally got together again–and it was the right time. So, sometimes, it can be the right person at the wrong time, and if that’s the case, you’ll come back together in the end.
My dad used to tell us “if you go right and they go left there’s a chance you’ll meet them at the other end and become whole.”
Math teachers, amiright?
I know the feeling, girl
Met this girl on a flight and we clicked instantly. I saw her at the beginning of the flight and thought she was an alright looking girl. Then, we started talking and clicked instantly. The deeper our connection grew, the prettier she looked but I knew she had a boyfriend so I didn’t pursue anything but you could tell that it just didn’t feel right for either of us when we walked off the plane, just said bye and parted ways to never see each other again.
Metaphysics is a hell of a drug
reading this as i’m caught in a similar situation. Thanks for the advice, really needed it.