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As you most likely already know, midday naps and work go together like oil and water. They simply don’t–but don’t let that get you down. The work nap is still possible. Just keep in mind that if you’re caught, you might as well throw your job and all your fun, little cubicle decorations in a Dumpster fire of your future pay stubs with that company.
In order to avoid all sorts of career Dumpster fires, you can do two things: stay awake and work like a normal person in society or outsmart everyone at the office and always be well-rested. You take the blue pill and the story ends–you continue working at your dead end job and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and–you get the idea.
You are at work. You are expected to sit at your desk for eight (or more) hours every day. Breaks are few and frowned upon at most companies. What can you do to take a quick nap while still being considered for a bonus? Easy. It’s all about perspective, my friends. To you, you are simply falling asleep with your head propped up on your hand while the other hand sits on your mouse or holds a pen and paper. To those walking behind you, you look absorbed in your work. Your best hope is that no one will walk in to ask you anything or talk about last night’s episode of HGTV’s “Love It Or List It.” As long as nobody bothers you and your head doesn’t fall off your hand, you should be good to go.
Hide Under The Desk
If you have an office or a cube with a decent amount of privacy, crawl under your desk for a quick snooze. Remember how much fun hide and seek was as a kid? Multiply the stakes and there you have it! It’s the postgrad version of the popular children’s game. Hey, if you get caught, tell your supervisor that you were taking precautions from the hurricane you just made up.
I did something yesterday that I never thought I would try–I went to a yoga class. That experience is a story for another time, but all I will say is that the fear of breaking my back mixed with the lingering thought of my fiancé laughing at my body doing awkward poses was all too real. I will say this, though. Yoga can bring your at-work nap game to a whole new level. The only position I could successfully do with confidence had a name like “child pose” or something. Basically, I learned that you just lie in the fetal position but with your face to the floor. I almost fell asleep in this pose at the yoga studio, so I’m positive this could work in corporate America. This play only works if you work for a company that has one or more of the following:
• A bunch of alternative hippies
• A spacious cubicle or office
• A corporate gym that nobody uses
This may take some prep time if you have some suspicious coworkers. Act like you’re really big into yoga for about a week. (Bring a yoga mat to work to really sell it.) After you plant the yoga seed, do the pose at your desk or the company gym. The great thing about yoga is that it’s all about patience and meditation, so no one will ask questions if you’re in the same pose for about an hour.
If you’re really desperate for some shuteye but don’t have many options for privacy, maybe find an unused meeting room, an office closet, or a bathroom stall. The bathroom stall is a last resort, reserved only for the tiredest cubicle warriors. Also, don’t snore in the bathroom. It’s a dead giveaway. If you are going for the meeting room approach, just make sure the room you’re crashing in isn’t reserved for the board of directors or something like that.
Had a wild weekend and now realize you’re desperate for some quality sleep? Like, really desperate? If all else fails, maybe you should consider getting eyes tattooed on your eyelids. Besides the unwavering stare and the health-concerning lack of blinking, you could literally sleep anywhere and nobody would know. In a world cluttered with tattoos of cheesy short phrases and random animals, at least you’ll be original.
NOTE: I have never fallen asleep while at work (except one time when I was an intern). Some, if not all, of these sleeping positions
might will get you fired from your current occupation.