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A first date is nerve-wracking for a variety of reasons that have been listed ad-nauseum for years on internet websites the world over.
You walk on eggshells for an hour or two on date number one. All you’re trying to do is not say something stupid. You try to avoid classic pitfalls that all of us have encountered while on a first date. You know them. On and on I could go about this stuff. But first dates are actually quite easy once you’ve learned what not to do on them.
-Don’t get wasted.
-Try not to ask generic questions that turn the date into a formal interview.
-Avoid talking about an ex.
A second date is more pressure simply because of what is at stake. Yes, the first date is important, but the second one tells you whether or not this is going to become something serious.
Something real.
Date one is nothing more than a meet and a greet. A rendezvous which, for all you know, was only put in motion because she was bored and wanted a free meal.
Date two is where we separate the pretenders from the contenders. No more hiding behind softball questions regarding work or commute time. It is without a doubt the second date which proves to be more difficult. You’re in a tough spot and there really isn’t anything you can do but grin and bear it.
It’s the vintage sophomore slump that you’re trying to avoid. All of those cookie cutter, introductory questions you used on the first date are gone.
You’re in uncharted territory now with nothing to your name but on-the-fly jokes and witty observations about your surroundings. Date two is much more revealing. Wrinkles of one’s real, true self finally start to protrude from the hard exteriors of the two people sitting across from one another. Their guards are being let down.
This is the date that decides whether or not you start driving down a road that you can’t turn around on. I’ve said that the first date is where legends are born, and I still believe that to be true. But there’s something a little bit more sweat-inducing about the second.
First dates are just good old fashioned fun. Date two is where you nut up or shut up. Both parties know what is at stake on a second date even though they’ll play it off to friends and even possibly close family members as something casual.
The first date obviously went well. But the only reason she agreed to a second date was because you were “on” the first time and now you’ve got to follow it up with another stellar performance.
Dates are just a series of one-on-one interactions where you have to be charming, witty, and funny for two or three hours at a time. That’s fucking crazy when you think about it, isn’t it?
You’ve got to be entertaining the first few months or the other person is going to lose interest. Half the battle is getting the other person to agree to go on these dates, sure, but the other half of it is being charismatic enough to string together five or six really good nights together.
After five dates you’re dating. That’s just a fact. Date two is the most important one, though. They get easier after that. It’s hard, but no one ever said dating people was a cakewalk.
The best thing you can hope for is that the person sitting opposite you can keep a conversation going after all of the stereotypical bullshit dinner topics have fallen by the wayside.
This is wild, but the great Al Michaels was actually quoted once regarding second dates:
“It’s [date two] an event that needs no buildup, no superfluous adjectives. In a political or nationalistic sense, I’m sure this game date is being viewed with varying perspectives but manifestly it is a hockey game date. The United States girl and this Soviet Union team bro on a sheet of icedinner date in Lake Placid, New York. Anywhere, USA.”
Get to work, guys. Small talk isn’t going to save you on date two, your personality is..
Image via HBO
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jduda@grandex.co
At first I was upset you didn’t have any advice for us on 2nd dates.
But I thought about it more and now I’m just sad this is where i look for advice
I have a second date this weekend after 2 years out of the game. This does not help my scaries.
Same situation, but mines tonight. Kill it man
Sorry about Sloan
Good luck brother. I have a friend in the same boat as you so I’ve seen the struggle. Let us know how it goes.
Thanks, that’s a highly appropriate idiom.
I was in the same boat last year. It’s daunting at first but you’ll be good to go once you shake the cobwebs off, trust me.
By shake the cobwebs off I assume you mean down 2 margs
That’s exactly what I’m saying
Date two is what gets you laid. Good date two = date three, and date three = sex.
And for the people out there who haven’t seen “Hello Ladies” you’re missing out.
I’m still sad that it was cancelled
How they cancelled Hello Ladies but decided to renew Insecure is beyond me
Never getting to the 2nd date. PGP.
Unpopular but should be popular opinion: the true test in a relationship whether it be budding or already formed is the first long distance drive together.
If you can’t survive 3 hours comfortably in the car with a person it’s not gonna fly
Flew to New York with my girlfriend 3 months into our relationship. I’m scared of flying and we hit some solid turbulence over the Rockies. Freaked the fuck out in front of her and nearly lost my shit. She’s still with me so I must be doing something right.
Its that sweet CPA money
Given that we live in SF, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt.
Never found second dates that tough. Maybe your dates just realize how much of a Duda Downer you are. As you said “Small talk isn’t going to save you on date two, your personality is.”
Which date is the condomless sex date?
Depends on who you ask
This made me seriously consider bailing on the tonight’s third date because the second was meh
On date 6 (..?) this weekend having the ‘what are we doing’ talk, make it or break it time I guess
If it’s not obvious (to you) what is going on by 6 dates, that’s probably not a great sign. Best of luck to you though.
I feel like someone got you a word of the day calendar and you’ve been actually using it. I’m impressed with you expanding your vocab JD and solid piece of writing,