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Let’s be honest – the fact that this ragtag group of writers have managed to do anything for three years in a row is miracle, nevermind that we manage to send presents around the country (and almost all by the deadline) and then write about what we received (again, almost all by the deadline). But it’s a season of miracles, and so here’s a recap of our 3rd annual PGP Remote Writers Secret Santa.
My Santa, Crick Watson, MD, really knew what I needed this holiday season. Glance at this picture, and sure, fine: Make your assumptions about me if you must. But I’m a teacher in December and only two things keep me going. 4 cups of coffee in the morning and the thought of a whole bottle of wine at night.
Whatever Lola Wants
Wine plays probably too big of a role in my life (says the girl who ordered custom bottle labels for no reason a few weeks ago), and my Secret Santa gets that! I received a sparkly wine tumbler for all my drinking-on-the-go needs meaning I can take this show to the streets. Catch me embracing that basic bitch lifestyle with a sneaky beverage on my next Target run. Accompanying this liquid vessel was a pack of wooden coasters featuring sayings related to, you guessed it, wine. I just moved and am right in the throes of all things décor related so these bad boys are perfect for a prime spot on my coffee table for those nights I keep the drinking couch bound. Big shout out to Secret Santa Cush for the amazing gifts! And props on the cute packaging.
For Secret Santa, I received from my good pal JR Hickey a wonderful Bruce Springsteen inspired clock. Although he did not know it, I’ve actually been in the market for a unique clock for my one day music room. I’m a big Springsteen fan and it even had the Big Man (Clarence Clemons for you uninitiated heathens). It is made of an old record and will be popped up on the wall as soon as I go buy something to fasten it with. Thanks, man!
Crick Watson, MD
Have you ever opened a gift and suddenly realized it was everything that you never knew you always needed? This year, Madoff did that for me. It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of the Bachelor franchise in all its iterations, and what better way to help me celebrate my
borderline pathological obsession enjoyment of the crown jewel of ABC’s programming than with The Perfect Letter, a romance novel written by none other than Our Lord and Savior the host of the series Chris Harrison? Friends, I was thrilled to get the book, but imagine my utter shock when I realized not only did Madoff spring for the hardcover, this motherfucker is autographed by Chris Harrison himself. I don’t have a will yet, but you can bet your ass when I write one, the first line will be that this book goes in the casket with me, because not even death will be able to pry it from my cold fingers. Hats off to Madoff, and my apologies to Miss Mackay since my gift to you suddenly pales in comparison to my new prized possession.
If you’ve read my content, you’ve probably realized by now that I’m kind of a craft beer degenerate. Thankfully, my Secret Santa Josh T knew this and sent me a really cool, insulated carrying case for six beers so I can finally stop bringing beer in a disposable plastic grocery bag like I’m some college kid smuggling Natty into their dorm room. Along with being able to keep and store 6 bottles or cans cold during the commute, the carrying bag also comes equipped with a whale bottle opener which is an added perk. Nice job mysterious Santa person.
I am unsure who got me for secret Santa, as the giver was not present at the Google hangout session to reveal themselves. (Update from Jenna – it was SME_Annie) Whoever it was, they knocked it out of the park with three very on brand gifts. What we have here is a miller lite bottle opener, a Boston Red Sox championship tee, and a decal of Bubbles from Trailer Park boys. The bottle opener looks to be a professional grade one for someone slinging endless lattes at a golf course wedding because it’s a glove type deal with rubber padding where you are twisting the caps off. Not sure I drink THAT much, but I’m also not saying I won’t have that thing strapped this summer when we host a BBQ at the house. The tee shirt is straight mun, you couldn’t have picked a better Red Sox tee. As for the decal, I’m not sure where I will be installing it but that was the best gift out of the lot because TPB is my favorite show of all time. Thank you, whoever you are, for knocking it out of the park this year. Merry Christmas.
My Secret Santa absolutely nailed it. Not only was there the cutest card with dogs and cats on it (which is now hanging on my fridge), but a HUGE “Think Pawsitive” coffee mug & super cute necklace from Neiman Marcus. Clearly, they knew I prefer massive coffee mugs for my caffeine addiction, and the necklace was the first thing I paired with my outfit for work on Monday. Shout out to Jenna Crowley for killing the Secret Santa game!
The thespian Katie Callaway generously gifted me socks in celebration of the Chicago Bears clinching their first NFC North Championship in eight years. She also gave me a notebook to write my jokes in and was kind enough to put my name on it. No but seriously if you see a comedian and they have a giant notebook full of jokes, there isn’t a single good one in there. No amateur comedian is just overflowing with such verbose bits that they have an entire notebook full of gold. Bear down.
One of my biggest concerns for Secret Santa this year was that my fuck ups from last year would come back to haunt me. Not sending out your gift on time really sucks in the moment, but more often than not I thought to myself, “Okay, but what are the chances that Post Grad Shibby actually pulled your name this year?”
Kids, that’s exactly what happened. And I gotta hand it to him, this was a solid payback from last year. Shibby hooked me up with an ever-tasteful Rowdy Gentleman Coastal Greens flag and koozie, a packet of Wawa coffee (which I still don’t get…it’s…it’s just a gas station?), and a how-to guide on fixing my chronic masturbation problem. Oh! And 19¢ in pennies.
Finally, he left a note that was only two sentences long but somehow managed to absolutely destroy the entire city of Chicago. Well done, dude. Well done.
This Christmas, I was #blessed to receive this wonderful gift from my Secret Santa Kevin Caulfield. Apparently, I have a reputation for having somewhat of an affinity for the show Seinfeld. Either way, you know when I hit the gym on January 2nd to shed all those candy cane and cookie pounds, I’m gonna be rocking this beast. It’s go time!
There seems to be a running theme with the types of gifts I receive from this crew. Last year I got a collection of booze, shot glasses and book on Whiskey. This year, luck has struck my alcoholic soul again and brought me whiskey stones and a (Brand redacted, no free ads) thermos to keep my beverage of choice (read: whiskey) chilled. What a delight! This year, I sadly have no clue who sent me these lovely liver-pickling thirst quenching accessories. Whoever you are, I love you. (It was Taylor Laabs)
Post Grad Shibby
My Secret Santa Kyle Bandujo knocked it out of the park this year. I was absolutely delighted to receive this beautifully hand rolled cone. I thoroughly enjoyed toking this to celebrate the holidaze season. Also, to fight any sembelence of a hangover leftover from a weekend filled with Christmas mules, craft beers, and nearly a whole bottle of Jameson. This jawn had a subtle fruity taste and a wonderful uplifting buzz. I’m told it was a mixture of Sour Diesel, Kief, and another unknown strain. However, being the canna-sseur that I am, I have some thoughts to this other mystery strain. Like a sommelier doing a blind taste-test, if I were to guess the other strain, it was something along the lines of Chocolope, Cherry Pie, or Candyland. Thanks again for the wonderful gift and passing along some holiday cheer.
My Secret Santa Whatever Lola Wants really nailed my newly minted status as a cat lady. First out of the package came two Patriots bowties so that my precious babies can be properly attired for the remainder of football season. Then came a box of gum that really captures the whole reason I got cats – “It’s not really drinking alone if the cat is home.” Last out of box came a lovely cat make up bag, so even if I’m away, I’m still reminded of my little ones at home. Oh my god, I really need to make some human friends.
My secret Santa was Charlie. I won’t have time to do a write up since I’m in Vegas for a work conference this week but he got me some face masks and some Venmo cash to buy wine. (Cool humblebrag about being in Vegas, Annie.)
And so another year of PGP Secret Santa has come and gone. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to drinking with the cats. .