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Don’t worry, that will make sense in a couple months. That one guy you love on Vine will turn it into a phrase but soon everyone’s gonna say it and it gets annoying. It’s chill. I know you’re about to graduate this weekend and you’re all excited but let me hit you with the condescending old man advice that everyone hates us (you? me? idk) for always giving.
Remember how you and your buddies took that dance class because you wanted an easy A? Well, you’re all going to steal the show when you do your final dance this week, but tell your buddy not to bring the 40s of OE.
Graduation day is going to fly by. Take as many pictures with as many people and say as many goodbyes as you can. You will hardly see any of these people ever again. I know you’re all excited for your fishing trip with the day ones after graduation, but seriously take it all in.
Speaking of that fishing trip, you’re going to catch more fish than you can eat in Hatteras. Enjoy the little break before you start working and watch out for that shark that steals your bait and tries to run away with your new pole. Plant that thing down in the sand and do a good job, please.
When you start your first “big-boy” job, be grateful. Yes, you have a job already because you busted your ass, but be thankful because a year from now a lot of your peers will still be baristas or move back home and wait tables. Don’t take your hard work for granted. Keep after it, there’s a 33% raise waiting for you once you prove yourself.
Your car is going to die in traffic your first week at work. I know you’re used to the Black Mamba dying every now and then, but she is literally dead this time. Be grateful for the nice lady from work that stopped when she sees you on the side of the road. She will be your office mom and eventually new lunch buddy. Keep your head up, you’re going to get your dream truck on Saturday.
Accept the fact that bridges burn and things happen. You’re going to see a lot of people disappear from your life and that’s okay. I know you hate change more than anything, but it’s all for the better. Trust the master plan and go with it. You’ll run into all kinds of new people and some of them are going to change your life.
You’re going to ruin your favorite pair of boat shoes in the mud at a concert and you’re going to debate sliding down the hill in the mud. Don’t. You literally just bought that PFG you dumbass. Why would you ruin a brand new PFG?
People aren’t going to understand why you love your job so much. Let the haters do their thing. You have the best boss and he would do anything for you. Cling onto everything he teaches you and do everything he says. He’s only pushing you toward a successful career.
I know how bad your temper is, but please don’t snap your driver in half. You won’t get a new one until Christmas.
When you plan to go hiking with that girl, you should go. I mean, I ghosted her and she still gave me a chance, but for your own benefit please just go on that hike. You’ll be grateful.
Don’t be afraid to tell the internet that you love coloring books. One day this dude Dave will ask you to write more and it’s going to be some of the most fun you have ever had.
Remember that ref from high school, Mike? Yeah, that ass clown? Well now that you start coaching (btw 3 teams is a lot so good luck), Mike’s going to try to ruin your life. You may even get ejected. It’s okay, enjoy it.
Delph, listen to me. You’re going to be just fine. I know you like to worry your butt off and you think everyone’s out to get you, but I promise it’s okay. A year from now you’re going to look back and laugh at how much of a baby you were. You’ll find love, you’ll find friends, and you’ll find real joy. Work your ass off every day, jump on every bone that your boss throws you, and in a year from now you will be one happy guy.
The chiller, cooler, better, and older You..
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