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Everyone poops. Because of this, many public restrooms that I’ve used have been an absolute war zone. There have been groans, occasional shouts, and messes on the floor; it’s disgusting. While I’m aware that my Sperry’s (flex) are boat shoes, they’re not meant for to be stepping in pee water because 37-year-old Richard from accounting still can’t hit the urinal.
It’s all well and good to do what you need to do in whatever manner you please while in the comfort of your own home, but these animals, nay, these savages, are taking it to a whole new level here. It’s like the wild west out here and there needs to be some regulation put in place. So, before Uncle Sam steps in and lays down the law out here to tame these beasts, I’ve written some general guidelines to follow just as a decent human being.
I can’t believe I had to write this, but here we go.
“How ‘bout a courtesy flush over there?”
Nobody wants to come into a stall ready to do their #business when there’re still chocolate streaks on that white porcelain. It’s common courtesy, hence the name, to clean up any leftovers after the initial flush. And as they say, when in doubt, flush it out.
Clogging Toilets
I’ve only managed to do this once and I’ve never felt more ashamed. If you do somehow manage to clog a public restroom toilet because you apparently ate two Chipotle burritos for breakfast, then maybe drop a line to the custodial engineer outside to let him know someone, you don’t know who, clogged the toilet. Everyone will appreciate it.
Farts
One of my coworkers had HR called him in because he was playing his butt trumpet around the office and, shocker, people didn’t like that. Look, I’m not naive; everybody makes air biscuits. Well, apparently not my girlfriend, but everyone else (I assume) does. That’s okay, but don’t be booty belching as we’re having a conversation at the sink. Have some decency and clench those cheeks… unless you think it’ll be silent.
Urinal choice
The whole ‘have an empty urinal between you and the other guy’ is so middle school. We’re grown ass men and if you still have a concern about peeing next to someone then you should hold all bathroom trips until you’re in the comfort of your own home. I just looked at my calendar and it reminded me that it’s 2018 so I could care less if you pee next to me. Heck, share my urinal if you’re in a pinch, but just make sure to relay to my boss of what a team player I am so I receive a glowing result on my annual review.
Talking
I may be somewhat of a social butterfly, but sometimes at work, I like to avoid all social interaction. Small talk is for the birds, but it especially has no place in a public restroom. If we’re having a conversation as we’re walking into the bathroom then that ends IMMEDIATELY when either (or both) of us walk into our respective stalls. I don’t care if it’s discussing a project that won’t meet its deadline or about some health issue that your cousin Jeffery — don’t you dare try and carry on that conversation as you’re trying to make the Cleveland Browns make The Super Bowl. .
Respond
@ellisnd02
@ellisnd
the true courtesy flush is a flush after you break off the big one – before you begin wiping – to minimize the odor in the room.
^This! People that don’t do this are absolute monsters!
Courtesy flush is used to prevent a clog by said big one. Other than that, spot on.
In womens’ restrooms if you know someone else is in a stall waiting for the entire bathroom to be empty so you finally poop/fart with no one knowing, don’t be that girl that dicks around at the sink/mirror taking your sweet time.
This and the person who seems to be securing themselves into a parachute with all the tucking and buckling going on in the next stall over after they’re finished. GTFO OF HERE SO I CAN DEFLATE IN PEACE.
Co-worker’s fanny burped in a pretty serious and stressful meeting last week and the laughter that ensued was a good team bonding experience.
Male or female co worker?
Can confirm this is accurate. Sent from stall #1
our office mens room has become a disaster. middle stall clogs with one square of paper. everyone slams the doors so they no longer lock properly and always open when said person slams the door. the worst part though? trying to find a stall between 930-10am on any floor of the building; impossible.
This comment was a wild ride.
I work in a construction trailer with plumbers/pipefitters and sheet metal workers, and if they can do a courtesy flush, keep the toilet clean and unclogged, so can everyone else.
I am also on a jobsite and you must have miracle workers, because that has never been the case for us. Luckily I get my own bathroom in our field office but I’d be screwed if I ever had to share with them.
My two superintendents run a tight ship. I lucked out for sure.
Update: I jinxed myself. Sheet metal foreman clogged the toilet first thing this morning.
Hahaha. Oh no. And it’s worse in a trailer where there’s no escape!
Fellow construction guy here and have never had an issue with cleanliness in our trailer bathrooms. Just don’t be that person that leaves the door open after finishing your business.
Wipe the damn toilet seat when you’re done. No one else needs to be wiping your butt hairs and piss off for you.
nah man that’s on the next guy that comes in to clean his bed before he lays in it
you sir are a fucking monster, I also gave you a thumbs up cause you made me laugh so hard
If you wanna peep my peep at the urinal next to me, that’s on you homie. Enjoy the show.
ugh our women’s restroom (only one toilet) is in our lobby, about 10 feet from my desk. I can hear and smell everything whenever someone goes in there. Note: anyone who thinks men are more disgusting in the bathroom than women are living in a fantasy world
… but girls don’t poop
overweight old women do 🙁
Can confirm.
Source: cleaned public pool bathrooms over the summers during college
If you’re taking a conference call from the shitter don’t forget to go on mute. Not common sense for some people…