30 Hilarious “Shower Thoughts” From The Internet’s Funniest Forum

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There’s a subreddit called Shower Thoughts, where people can post whatever hilariously strange, philosophical thoughts they have “in the shower” and share them with the world. This forum probably wastes a majority of the little free time I have, which is why I feel internally obligated to share this internet gold with you. Here’s a list of 30 “shower thoughts” that absolutely made my day today.

1. The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew on their army knife.
   -Mukhers
2. “The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that’s just science.”
   -grindinurbed
3. What are snails even trying to do?
   -BlueSkadood
4. I wish I had a Mario Kart-like ghost of myself punctually getting ready for work in the morning so I’d know if I was running late.
   -OMGGGEEEE
5. X88B88 looks like the word voodoo reflecting off of itself.
   -roboccohurly
6. If Obama was the president of Kenya, he would be their first white president.
   -SlothBrotherhood
7. Being attracted to your own flacid penis would be the worst fetish ever.
   -Mofman1
8. The word “Fat” just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word “Eat”.
   -dunkm1n
9. Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.
   -CurtisTH
10. The witches from Sabrina having a cat called Salem is like a Jewish family with a cat called Auschwitz.
    -OldMikeyboy
11. Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.
    -tectactoe
12. I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
    -shicky536
13. If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door.
    -drunkbird
14. 1/3 of marriages are now from online dating and that number is only increasing. That means that computers (algorithms) are starting to breed humans.
    -fleetw16
15. Using your old laptop to research buying a new one is like asking it to dig its own grave.
    -WorthierCaptor
16. Pimp my Ride should do a “where are they now” episode
    -wallydee
17. If job ads say “must be fluent in Mandarin” why don’t they post the entire ad in Mandarin, that way only genuinely fluent people could apply?
    -Scamwau
18. Imagine how terrifying horses would be if they were carnivorous.
    -vinnienine
19. There should be an optional “people are sleeping” button on the microwave to stop it from all the extra loud beeping.
    -idontfeellikedancing
20. Butterfinger should host a bowl game, and invite the two teams that had the most fumbles during the regular season.
    -cptncivil
21. I can slowly feel myself getting older by how long I have to scroll down to find my birth year on website age gates.
    -salad_dressing_dude
22. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson should host a cooking show where contestants have to guess what he’s cooking by smell alone.
    -ULTRA_Lenin
23. I can send someone a poop emoji, but I can’t type a text with italics.
    -PacifistToYourFace
24. A group of squid should be called a squad.
    -Thediepend
25. What if your whole life flashing before your eyes right before you die happens in real time? And what if we’re living it right now? And what if we get deja vu because we have small moments of consciousness where we realize this all really HAS happened before?
    -happybex
26. Being a sexual partner of mine is a more exclusive club than being President of the United States.
    -sch6808
27. Unless you’re a celebrity, Twitter is like talking to yourself in a crowded room.
    -Sir_Vyvin
28. If you did something “like a boss,” you’d probably just pay someone else to do it.
    -mcgeeb
29. The only reason celebrities always say people should “follow their dreams” is because they’re part of the small percentage who were actually successful.
    -RottenAnemone
30. “As a dishwasher, I come home after hours of work in which I get covered in filth, and I take a shower only to realize…I am the final dish.”
    -RandyJones

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Cody Sutton

Cody Mack Sutton is a born and raised Texan that only took five and a half years to proudly graduate from Texas A&M University. If he had a resume, it would probably be long and distinguished. Often referred to by his family as a "Renaissance Man,” Cody is currently holding out for a Senior level management position with a corner office.

• @codymacksutton