World’s Worst Feminist Sends Teacher Angry Email After Bringing Vagina-Shaped Cookies To Second Graders

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Look, I’m not going to turn this into a “BURN THE WITCH” feminist-bashing story. At its core, feminism is a worthwhile, necessary cause. Where it gets a bad name is from people like this parent of a second grader who decided it was a good idea to bring in vagina-shaped cookies to a classroom full of eight-year-olds. The teacher was obviously appalled and told the woman (whose real name is Autumn Lily Speaker…really) that it was inappropriate. Miss Autumn decided to unleash her vaginal fury on the poor teacher:

DISCLAIMER: This is a friend’s story and she isn’t a redditor but I begged her to let me post it from the perspective that she told the story in. Also I apologize, I’m not a writer.

I am currently a second grade teacher at a public school. I have a wonderful class and I like to reward them when they have a good week by having volunteer parents bring in snacks (I.E. cookies, candy, granola etc.) provided the parent keeps them hypoallergenic. This week our volunteer parent, who we will refer to as Autumn Lily Speaker (not far from her actual name) told me on Wednesday that she will be preparing cookies for the class and is ‘excited for this opportunity’. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and marked it off my weekly to-do list.

So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today”. Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply “I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.”

cue angry radical feminist

Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin’s and starts yelling in front of the class about how ‘I should be proud of my vagina’ and ‘I am settling for a women’s role in life’. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word ‘vagina’ is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.

The rest of my day went quite well and ended without a incident. I sent my kiddos home and started wrapping up work and getting ready to leave when the phone rings and a bewildered parent wants to know why their son learned the word ‘vagina’ in class today I answer the best I can explaining the situation in the most professional manner possible. I get about 3 more phone calls and 4 emails until I get it, the mother of all emails… Autumn’s.

Autumn’s email (screenshots) http://imgur.com/a/Kb7Zx

tl;dr – Radical crazy women who thinks she is a feminist parent brings in vagina cookies, parents are mad, domestic violence wished upon me

Narrated courtesy of /u/Cyae1

Edit: For clarity, this was a friend, and she took it up with the school’s administration who is taking appropriate action

Edit2: This is not meant to be an attack on feministic idealism, it just has to do with a single radical feminist who lost her cool. Feminism is about gender equality and shouldn’t be grouped with off the wall people like this.

Edit3: No longer referring to Autumn as a feminist because she isn’t. She’s just bat shit crazy

Edit4: TIFU by not knowing how to turn off my push notifications for my mobile app.

UPDATE!: I got a hold of my friend and asked her a couple questions about the incident so here are the main points.

• The kid was removed from class by the parent and moved to a private school
• The parent is no longer allowed on district property
• School administration refused to answer whether or not they were taking action
• No pictures were taken of the cookies
• No action was taken against my friend, administration deemed she handled it professionally
• The cookies were actually pretty good

So, after this all went down, this insane woman sent the teacher an incredibly demeaning email:

Lady, you’re scarin’ us! But seriously, go fuck yourself..

[via Reddit]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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