Building The Perfect Company

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What makes a great company? I’ll tell you what makes a great company. A great company has good compensation packages, nice offices and a good corporate culture. But what makes a perfect company? That’s a good question. While the pursuit of perfection is usually one of futility, I choose to Frankenstein my way to corporate bliss and blaze a path to the greatest company the world has ever seen. I took bits and pieces of some of the premier companies in America and created a beautiful, incorporated monster.

Salary and Benefits

No company makes it easier starting from the bottom than America’s favorite wholesaler. With some of the most competitive hourly wages in the biz, CostCo takes the cake as the employer with the best salary and bennies. Their starting pay, even for part-time hourly employees is $12 dollars an hour. Supervisors haul in over 40 grand a year and their employee benefits package includes health, dental, pharmacy, vision, daycare, family psychology services, life insurance, stock options, 401k matching, a hefty life insurance policy, and disability. Work for them, and they won’t screw you over.

Perks

Each and every one of the company’s 12,000 employees have access to a 24/7 concierge service who will run errands for you. No joke. Didn’t return that RedBox DVD last night? Just give them a call. Need someone to pick up your dry cleaning? You got it covered. Some might say that corporate NFL seats or an on-site, 24-hour gym with personal trainers and Zumba classes might be enough to take the cake, but think about all the time this saves employees. Instead of taking a long lunch to go ship a package, you get to send someone off to do your dirty work for you.

Boss

Yeah, “The Social Network” made him look like a sociopath, but Mark Zuckerberg is consistently ranked as the best CEO in the world. Glassdoor lists him as having a 99% approval rating by Facebook employees. Plus, Zuck hands out stock options like it’s nothing and pays his interns $75,000 a year. Also, Facebook employees get FOUR MONTHS for maternity leave and a $4,000 dollar bonus just for having a kid. They call it “baby cash.” If you don’t want kids, it’s cool. Facebook feeds employees breakfast, lunch and dinner. Facebook mobile developer Joe Hewitt had this to say about working for Mark Zuckerberg:

“You’ll often hear Zuck and others talk about how they want Facebook to keep its startup mentality. And the way they do it is to constantly encourage people to try new ideas and run with them, without any meddling from above. While some projects ultimately require approval before they ship, you can go very long stretches with total autonomy.”

Offices

Why tell you, when I can show you?

Vacation Policy

Uncapped vacay for anyone who works for Netflix. All they ask is that you get your work done, but technically, you could work 100 16-hour days and spend the other 265 in Costa Rica. A beautiful life.

Corporate Culture

Have you ever seen a Southwest Airlines employee that wasn’t nice? That’s not on accident. Southwest’s corporate culture is always referred to as a “family” atmosphere. Plus, you get to fly anywhere they fly, for FREE. Imagine never paying for a plane ticket ever again. That’d make me a pretty nice guy. The Glassdoor reviews for Southwest are incredibly positive, especially when they come from corporate higher ups instead of disgruntled baggage handlers and gate agents.

So, let’s wrap it up. What makes up the perfect company?

Money: CostCo
Perks: Johnson & Johnson
Boss: Mark Zuckerberg
Offices: Google NYC
Vacation: Netflix
Culture: Southwest Airlines

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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