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In college, anything goes. Wearing things that barely classify as “clothes” to class was the norm. Being a frat rat was merely frowned upon. Getting freaky with frozen pizza at 2 a.m. on a weeknight was standard procedure. But now, people keep telling us we are adults. So we should learn to act like them, or at least try to sustain some mature habits.
1. Eating your roommate’s food. America is a democracy. We work hard as fuck for what we earn and while sharing is caring, there better not be a scoop missing from my fresh jar of peanut butter when I open it.
2. Wearing clothes that don’t fit you. Let’s have some class now, ladies–none of those high-waisted shorts with your butt cheeks hanging out nonsense. Show some cleavage and some leg, but we are way too old and probably not hot enough to pull a Britney every time we get out of our car.
3. Crying in public over a guy. Put on some Beyoncé, download Tinder, and move on with it, girl.
4. Drunk dialing your ex. See above.
5. Treating Facebook as a political discussion board. The older we get, the more politically slanted rants there are on Facebook. Just because you have established a place for yourself on the Internet, it doesn’t mean you can unleash your wrath on your innocent friends and followers, many of whom could care less about your political opinions. If they wanted to educate themselves, they’d pick up a newspaper, and if they wanted your opinion, they’d ask you for it. Facebook should be a social forum to laugh at other people’s drunk excursions to Dave Matthews Band concerts.
6. Letting your man forgo the condom. We are the women here. It’s been scientifically proven that we’re better at controlling our sexual urges. So suck it up and prevent a slew of disgusting diseases and children by sacrificing 10 seconds of your time. Let’s be as smart between the sheets as we are in the workplace.
7. Calling each other bitches. I’m no feminist. I shave my armpits every day and I wear pushup bras and makeup, but for the sake of world peace, can we just be nice to each other already?
8. Being a bar groupie. There’s a difference between having a preferred watering hole and being “that girl who’s always here.”
9. Complaining about the taste of coffee. I’m quite certain that once we hit 25 years old, platelets and blood cells disappear and are replaced by coffee.
10. Swearing by rules that we read on the Internet. Aren’t we old enough to, like, formulate our own opinions and make our own decisions?
Respond
No more raw-dogging randos? 🙁
#1) I don’t think democracy means what you think it means.
#7) I don’t think feminism means what you think it means.