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Pool days are for sunning, swimming, and getting drunk enough that you forget any insecurities you might have started the day with about what you look like in a swimsuit.
The lazy person’s poolside drink is most likely beer. Don’t get me wrong, ice cold beer in sunshine from a thousand of Satan’s devils is heavenly. But, read: ICE cold beer. This is important. The chances of your brewsky staying that cold for the duration of your water activities is slim to none (thank goodness for the Coors mountains indicating whether or not your beer is cold because I would have no idea otherwise).
All this is why I urge you to try some different kinds of poolside libations this summer. Get creative, get fancy. Why not? We have so little to look forward to during the summer as adults as it is, kicking it up a notch with our pool drink selection is the least we can do for ourselves. Try these hand-picked recipes below:
1. Anything mixed with one of the “Simply” juices
A few summers ago, my friends and I discovered the wonder behind the “Simply” juices. So rich, so delicious, so full of authentic flavor. So, like any 20something with partying problems, we were all like “OMG what if we mixed alcohol with these delicious juices?” The result was heavily alcoholic beverages that tasted nothing like alcohol and everything like fresh fruits. Cue blackout town. But, if you aren’t an idiot and mix these two responsibly, the results can be much more pleasant and reasonable. Try vodka with the Simply Raspberry Lemonade or tequila with the Simply Limeade for your very own version of a skinny girl margarita. My friend and I did the latter once, splitting the concoction between our two nalgenes on the beach, and ended up crying A LOT about nothing.
2. White Strawberry Lemon Sangria
Do you like fruit? Do you like fruit soaked in alcohol for hours? Then do I have the poolside drink for you! Get fancy and try out this recipe to enjoy one of the tastiest, sneakiest, fun-inducing summer drinks that’s ever hit your lips. I made this for a few girlfriends the other weekend to enjoy on my back patio, and what was supposed to be a quiet girls evening turned into obnoxiously loud singing, laughing, and overall slurry romp. And did I mention how incredibly simple it is? The hardest part is chopping up the fruit, and if you can’t handle that, you don’t deserve to have this drink in the first place. You can’t go wrong with white wine, rum, and lots of fruit.
I don’t know what else to call this, because it’s literally beer, pink lemonade, and vodka. Sounds too feminine to handle, but it’ll put some serious hair on your chest, upper lip, butt cheeks, and maybe even your back if you’re lucky. The best part about drinks like this is the amount of liquid it creates. Fill up an entire pitcher and go to town. And, if you run out? The ingredients are cheap enough, you can force the least-liked friend in your group to walk to the nearest store and get more. It’s really win-win for all parties involved.
Hoe-ly shit. This creation tastes and looks phenomenal. Because it calls for you to deal with a full-grown watermelon, you must be ready to put forth serious efforts to create it, but I promise it’s worth the work. How can one possibly go wrong when a recipe calls for real-time watermelon, actual sugar, and white beer? And, obviously, serving it up in mason jars only makes it that much cuter (I don’t care what you say about mason jars – drinking out of them always makes what you’re drinking cuter and better).
Creative name, I know. But I just call it like I see it. This mixture sounds equal parts refreshing and inhibitions-decreasing. Tequila, lime juice, orange juice, some orange liqueur, and Mexican beer come together in this recipe to create an impossibly delicious and dangerous poolside beverage. I appreciate when drinks take the time to incorporate fresh fruit juices, because then I don’t feel as bad guzzling. At least I’m getting some vitamin C, ya know? As in vitamin Cut me off NOW.
6. Copout Cooler
If all of the above sounds too hard for you to attempt, and you’d rather stick to the basics, you can always go for the summertime gold with “Summer Beer.” Lemonade, vodka, beer. Sounds similar to the vagina drink listed above, I know, but I didn’t say pink lemonade. If you choose to take the easy route with this staple libation, you don’t get the pink kind. You get the boring, yellow kind. Truth be told, though, this is a pretty tasty mixture, and I wouldn’t blame you too hard for going this route. Mix a huge batch together and force it down your friends’ throats.
It’s gonna be a great summer, guys.
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Emma G
Emma is a female with a vagina and, subsequently, often writes things other vaginas (and sometimes weiners) find super relatable. She is a 20something who loves eating, buying clothes she doesn't need, and wearing lipstick. You can find 4+ years of her rantings on her blog: www.emmasthing.com
@emmasthing
@emmasthing
Roofie colada
I may be thinking of something else but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the Vagina Drink called Pink Panty Droppers
We called them strip and go nakeds I think.
I was thinking the same thing. We called it pink panty pull down
I just threw up in my mouth from “Vagina Drink.”
Not the drink itself, it sounds delicious, but the name just gives me the wrong kind of mental images.
It is delicious. 30-rack of ice beer, 1 tube of crystal light, handle of vodka, orange juice and pineapple juice to taste. Then basically you drink it like water and black out after 6 cups, or sooner if you’re female.