======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Do you like reading columns in list form? Awesome! Have you ever been in a relationship? Great! Here is something you’ll want to scan over while chuckling to yourself before adding a snarky comment and getting back to your Excel sheets, or cold calls, or whatever circle of corporate hell you might be in.
This past spring, I met a pretty girl. I liked that pretty girl. I asked that pretty girl out for lunch at the kickass food trucks outside of my office and it was your basic boy-meets-girl love story. We had a second date, then a third, and eventually I pulled the ole “dinner and a movie at my place but we aren’t really going to watch the movie” play and it worked beautifully. It worked so well, in fact, that we’re still together today and it’s pretty serious.
However, I’ve begun to notice changes in my daily life that are a direct result of the relationship, and I’ve decided to list them for all to see.
- I’m cleaner. I hated cleaning before I met Girl. Now I clean out of habit. That’s new.
- Apparently sheets need to be washed every week and half or so. Prior to my relationship, it was my belief that washing the sheets was something to be done annually, like birthdays or Christmas. This is not true. Thanks, Girl.
- More use of “we” and less use of “I.” Girl loves “we.”
- Babies. Babies are everywhere, and Girl likes to point out every single one. There might even be one under my desk.
- Girl says pillows need cases. That’s dumb, but okay.
- There are candles in my apartment. Girl says it makes it smell nice. I can’t disagree. It does smell better. Prior to my relationship there was literally no reason to have one these.
- What do you mean I can’t have Raman noodles all the time?
- Girl buys a lot of wine and now I like wine.
- If you were to judge me based solely on my Netflix queue, you would think that I only watch shows about weddings, interior decorating, wife swapping, and Dexter (Dexter is mine…I mean ours).
- Can you fold thongs? Do you fold thongs? I have no idea, but they’re always tangled.
- Same thing goes for bras.
- I’m not allowed to wash bras anymore.
- Fun used to mean going to uptown Dallas, getting three sheets at Kung Fu, and generally making an ass of myself. Now? Pizza/movie night!!!!
- I have nicer things. Girl likes to buy nice things for me like silverware, plates, and “real” wine glasses. I didn’t know you couldn’t drink wine out of plastic Texas Rangers cups.
- Ring window shopping is a real thing. Girl loves rings. Some might say she’s dropping hints. Nahhhhh.
- I spent Thanksgiving with her family, which was awesome. Girl said I did a good job, and that, for some reason, makes me feel really awesome about myself.
- Oh yeah, getting laid more. Definite sign of serious relationship.
- Then sexy time happens pretty much on the weekends only. The other side of that “getting laid” coin.
- Girl likes to take me to movies I otherwise wouldn’t see. I never knew I was so good at watching movies with people!
- I know when the next season of The Bachelor is going to happen.
- I know who The Bachelor is.
- My music is not as cool as I originally thought. Whatever. Offspring fan for life.
This is what I have so far. Make no mistake, my life is better with Girl in it. (Insert “awwweeee” here.) She’s great. Candles and all.
Respond
Please Advise
I work in Logistics. I am a dad I like the Gym. I like Texas Tech Football. I like San Antonio Basketball. I like Brunch,Biscuits, and Breakfast Tacos Living and dying in the DFW.
@WildWildChase
@DefinitelyNotChaseWilder
chasewilder
As much as I want to be disgusted, you have mad listing skills; definitely just put postgradpres on notice to step up her game.
Shots fired.
Insult accepted. This was a damn good list.
I like the grammatical use of “Girl.”
This list made me realize how awesome my girl is, you poor bastards.
You’re in deep, my friend.
I love getting 3 sheets at Kung Fu. Only downside is Kung Fu and Sixth Street but have huge lines if you go at the wrong time.
Kung Fu is always way to crowded. Yet we all go anyways
6th street is awesome but, yeah, you need to get there early to get in and enjoy any of it.
second to #2. I previously only washed my sheets if there was a splooge stain on em
I have no shame sleeping on those sheets every night or telling a girl I just washed them last week.
I keep my sheets fresh by crashing on the couch, floor, laundry pile or wherever my drunken haze takes me.
I know I’m not a math guy, but… 8 + 21 = 17
Don’t get a dog together
I’ve already done that. She wants another one. I don’t like it.
This depresses the shit out of me because I know it is coming my way too.
I also quit smoking, don’t black out (as much) anymore, don’t go to a club called “Dirty”, and now enjoy brunch and mimosas. And i no longer single handedly keep Red Bull in business. Nice column and the intro that self parodies PGP is a nice touch.