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Five People That Had A Worse 2018 Than You

by Dec 31, 2018
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It’s the end of the year, and while we head into 2019 with best hopes and wishes for the new year to come, it’s also a time to reflect on the year that was. What went well for us? What could we have done differently? And of course, who can we mock because their 2018 was a hellish nightmare that can only make your lackluster year look diamond-bright in comparison?

Offset

Sure, he welcomed a (very cute) baby with 2018’s It Woman, Cardi B, but otherwise, Offset’s 2018 was not great.

His run of misfortune started back in May, when 150k necklace he wore to the Met Gala was stolen from his NYC hotel room. Then, the following week, he totaled his car in Atlanta:

Things were quiet until July, when the Migos rapper was arrested on felony gun charges in Clayton County, Georgia after three guns and marijuana were found when the Porsche 911 he was driving was pulled over for failing to maintain its lane. It really may be time to hire a driver, buddy.

Of course, the worst of it for Offset came in December, when, following his break up with Cardi, he took to the stage at one of her shows to try woo her back and she was just not having it. Arrests and robberies are one thing, but public humiliation? That’s a rough way to end the year.

People Who Like To Eat

So, basically everyone that are the kind of people I want to know.

But seriously, was there a food that didn’t get recalled this year? Turkey, cereal, Spam, eggs, melon, and even the plain water of food, lettuce, fell victim to food safety recalls. And nevermind that Chipotle made people sick again.

You know what’s never been recalled? Cheez-its. See, my food choices are healthy!

Elon Musk

It’s pretty hard to feel bad for a dude that’s worth upwards of $22 billion dollars, but despite his riches, 2018 was just not Mr. Musk’s year.

Back in June, Musk’s Tesla was hit by corporate espionage, when one of the employees at the company’s Freemont, CA plant “confessed to “quite extensive and damaging sabotage to our operations,” according to an email Musk sent to employees. The timing wasn’t great, since production at the time was ramping up on the Model 3.

Then in August, Musk made the news for not sleeping and then getting into a Twitter beef with Ariana Huffington about it for reasons no one really understood:

Finally, in September, the SEC filed suit against Musk regarding tweets he sent stating he had secured the funding to take Tesla private, driving up the stock price when he had not actually obtained any such funding. The suit led to a $20 million fine for Musk personally, plus him agreeing to step down as chairman of Tesla.

Still, $22 billion dollars.

Grayson Allen and Duke

Nothing gives me more pleasure than to include human piece of garbage Grayson Allen in this year’s roundup. I’d love to say his 2018 taught him a little about humility, but that would be giving him too much credit.

Allen headed into 2018 shaking off the publicizing of his Tinder messages in December 2017, which only served to reinforce his douchiness:

But the team’s woes really started in January, when the No. 2 ranked Blue Devils lost to an unranked NC State. I share Wolfpack’s Abdul-Malik Abu’s emotion:

Things didn’t get that much better in February, when St. John’s took down Duke 81-77 to Madison Square Garden. Coach K (who I actually don’t hate) was not pleased, saying, “It was disgusting, really.”

Then came March, when Duke was eliminated from Elite 8 in March Madness by Kansas, despite a buzzer beater attempt by ol’ Grayson:

Sorry, rip-off Christian Laettner. Hope you’re having fun in the G-League.

Coaches

Didn’t it seem like it was the year of firing coaches? A recap of some gone too soon (from their jobs):

Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers

John Stevens, Los Angeles Kings

Tyronn Lue, Cleveland Cavaliers

Bobby Petrino, Louisville Cardinals

Mike Matheny, St. Louis Cardinals

And those are only the ones that I covered in this column: let’s not forget the Browns’ Hue Jackson, the Texas Rangers’ Jeff Banister and the hottie from Texas Tech, Kliff Kingsbury.

The coach who won 2018? The Providence Friars head basketball coach Ed Cooley, who just went with it when his pants split up the back during a game back in March:

May we all be a little more like Ed in 2019.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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