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Does everyone remember when Harambe the zoo gorilla became an Internet sensation? The “Dicks Out For Harambe” chants were all over Twitter and many companies capitalized on the animal’s death by making commemorative t-shirts. At first it was ironic and strange to be rallying around a gorilla but it was genuinely funny. This gorilla got gunned down in a Cincinnati zoo and there were “See You Again” parodies.
But then right around the time the t-shirts started getting made it just felt like we were all beating a dead horse didn’t it? This is what happens with all Internet trends. Something gets joked about until it reaches the 40 and over crowd on Facebook and then we as a millennial collective move on to something else. The microwave turkey text, which has taken the Internet by storm over the past couple of weeks, is a trend that I can confidently say will have a similar fate to that of Harambe.
Here’s something I’ve learned in spending time with the opposite sex over the course of 27 years – they are in constant contact with their mothers. I like to give my mom a call once or twice a week just to check in and see what’s new. Women are a different story, though, and whoever created the microwave turkey trend knows this.
Every news outlet in the country is writing about this bullshit with titles like “Microwaving Your Turkey? You Won’t Believe The Hilarious Responses” – fucking kill me please.
The Internet has given us some truly stupid bullshit over the years but this is right up there in terms of awfulness. I think most women are texting their mothers throughout the day exchanging pleasantries and discussing the mundanities of the daughters work life. That’s all well and good. The mother-son dynamic is different than the mother-daughter relationship and that’s okay. But what isn’t okay is thinking that texting your mom about microwaving a turkey is hilarious because it just isn’t.
For starters, most mothers are not up to date on the latest Internet trends. Now obviously this supposes that your mom has no idea you’re fucking with her. This in turn leads to screenshots of texting conversations between mother and daughter, wherein the mother tells the daughter that you cannot microwave a turkey.
Those screenshots go viral and end up on Twitter or Instagram with a caption that usually just has a bunch of crying face emojis.
When it happens on Twitter, the person who tweeted the original screenshot of the text conversation will get a lot of comments from friends about how they’re famous now or you’ll get what is called a “reply tweet”, which will include a link to the person’s venmo or soundcloud account. When it happens on IG, a meme account with twenty million followers slaps that onto their feed and gets some ad money out of it.
Obviously you cannot microwave a turkey. I know girls who have posted their interactions with their mother asking them how long they should microwave a turkey for. A lot of the time the mother will just text back something simple like this – “You can’t microwave a turkey.”
You’d think that this sort of interaction would not be worthy of posting for everyone on the Internet to see but you would be wrong. My feed has become inundated with completely unfunny interactions between mother and daughter, with the daughter helplessly trying to get a reaction from their mom. These girls might as well be typing “Please say something crazy so I can viral online.” This is what this is. It’s a desperate attempt to get some attention online. At least when Harambe went viral it made me laugh for a few days.
This wasn’t funny from the jump but guess what? Even content creators get lazy around the holidays, and whoever created this trend knew girls all over the world would eat this shit up faster than a dog licking up it’s own vomit. Keep those screenshots coming, ladies. I can’t wait to see what your mom thinks about you telling her that you want to microwave a turkey. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving to be over..
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
has the Harambe joke been dead for about 2 years? yes
is my “all I want for Christmas is Harambe” sweater I got for Christmas in 2016 still my favorite Christmas sweater? also yes
You are almost to the funny again section of the circle of internet humor and irony. One more year it will win some contests at the bar.
was laughing out loud super early in this @ “got gunned down in a Cincinnati zoo”. Well done, John.
But have you seen the dude with the huge neck?
When I was in the 6th grade my mom told me I should never cook my meat. Still not sure what she meant.
Can’t wait for elf on a shelf to make the rounds in a few weeks. What a dumb meme.
created an account so I can give direct feedback on how I am receiving your articles. been visiting the site for awhile now.
I can think of something even more horrible that happened to the internet just last week…
dont know why you think this is a female only problem
Because women usually cook the turkey
Be careful 19th, you might get some SJW hyper-feminists come after you for this…listen folks, I’m all for equality and shattering the glass ceiling but let’s be honest with ourselves, companies have been docking the pay from everyone without discriminating by sex or race. We’re all little peons working for the dangling carrot in our faces except our carrot here is colored red, white, and blue and sometimes slaps us in the face for “motivation” so it leaves a memory in your mind of how things used to be around here even though this entire country was built from devalued labor and financial funneling upward away from the masses. My advice to all of you is to be grateful for that dead bird meat stuffed with bread (that’s not money), carve the fuckin’ turkey, gorge yourself, let it lull you to sleep on the couch as you watch multi-millionaires play a game and destroy each other for gambling points while military jets fly overhead while the flag waves in the cool, deadened wind for “marketing”, and feel contentment with the idea that we have a very limited window of time left before this all goes to utter shit lol
“Hahaha dude check it out I convinced my mom I’m even more of a dumbass than she already thought I was. I’m hilarious!”
Mine was funny because my step mom told me not to touch the turkey and she’s has bad experience with microwaving it in the past lol